Here’s a question we have heard on occasion: “We hired someone who seemed perfect during the interview, but within weeks we realized they weren’t right for our family. How did we miss the signs?” After twenty years of placing nannies and helping families navigate the hiring process, we can tell you this: many red flags are visible during the hiring process, but families miss them because they don’t know what to look for, they’re desperate to fill the position quickly, or they talk themselves out of trusting their instincts.
The stakes are high when hiring a nanny. You’re inviting someone into your home and trusting them with your children’s safety, wellbeing, and development. A bad hire doesn’t just mean starting the search process over. It means disruption for your children, potential safety concerns, and the stress of recognizing you’ve made a mistake that affects your family daily.
Understanding what red flags look like during interviews, reference checks, trial periods, and early employment helps you make better hiring decisions. Not every concern is a dealbreaker, but knowing which warning signs deserve serious attention versus which are just nervousness or quirks can save you from costly mistakes. If you’re currently hiring a nanny or planning to start a search soon, here are the red flags families most commonly miss and what they tell you about candidates.
Interview Red Flags: What Candidates Reveal Through Conversation
The interview is your first substantial interaction with a nanny candidate, and it reveals enormous amounts of information if you know what to listen for. Many families focus so much on asking their prepared questions that they miss important signals candidates are sending.
Vague or evasive answers about previous positions should immediately raise concerns. When you ask why they left their last family and the answer is unclear, overly brief, or doesn’t quite make sense, dig deeper. “It just wasn’t a good fit” might be true, but it’s not enough information. You need to understand what specifically didn’t work. Candidates who can’t or won’t provide clear, honest explanations about their work history are hiding something.
Speaking negatively about previous families is a major red flag. Even if a past employer was genuinely difficult, professional nannies understand that badmouthing former families reflects poorly on them. If a candidate complains extensively about previous employers, criticizes the children they cared for, or seems bitter about past situations, imagine how they’ll speak about your family when they move on.
Lack of specific examples when discussing their experience suggests they either don’t have substantial experience or weren’t engaged enough to remember meaningful details. When you ask about challenging situations they’ve handled, discipline approaches they’ve used, or activities they’ve done with children, strong candidates provide specific, detailed stories. Vague generalities like “I just love kids” or “I’m really patient” without concrete examples indicate thin experience.
Inflexibility about schedule, responsibilities, or household preferences during initial conversations can signal someone who will be difficult to work with long-term. While candidates should absolutely advocate for fair compensation and reasonable boundaries, someone who responds to every aspect of the job description with resistance or extensive negotiation before you’ve even made an offer reveals how they’ll approach the working relationship.
Overemphasis on compensation and benefits to the exclusion of interest in your children and family is concerning. Money matters and should be discussed, but candidates whose primary or only questions focus on pay, time off, and benefits rather than your children’s needs, your family’s routines, or the childcare approach you want may be more interested in a paycheck than genuine engagement with your kids.
One family we worked with in Los Angeles almost hired a candidate who interviewed beautifully but kept deflecting when asked for details about why she’d left three positions in two years. They were so impressed by her warm demeanor that they nearly overlooked this evasiveness. When we finally reached one of her references, we learned she had significant reliability issues. The vagueness during the interview was a warning sign they’d nearly missed.
Reference Check Red Flags: What Former Employers Really Tell You
Reference checks are where many families either skip important steps or fail to hear what references are actually communicating. The information is there, but you have to listen carefully and ask the right questions.
Difficulty reaching references or references who seem reluctant to talk should concern you. When you call multiple times and can’t reach anyone, when references say they’re too busy to talk, or when they agree to talk but seem uncomfortable or hurried, consider what that might mean. Excellent employees have references who are eager to recommend them.
Faint praise or lack of enthusiasm is more revealing than many families realize. When you ask if a reference would hire the nanny again and they pause before saying “sure, probably” instead of an immediate enthusiastic “absolutely,” pay attention to that hesitation. When they describe the nanny as “fine” or “okay” rather than genuinely positive terms, they’re telling you something.
References who focus on personality traits rather than actual job performance often do this because they don’t have much positive to say about the work itself. “She’s such a sweet person” tells you nothing about whether she was reliable, skilled at childcare, or effective in the role. Push for specific information about job performance, not just whether the person was pleasant.
Discovering inconsistencies between what the candidate told you and what references say is a serious red flag. If the candidate said they managed all household operations but the reference indicates they only did basic childcare, if the candidate claimed they worked until last month but the reference says they left six months ago, these discrepancies suggest dishonesty.
References who seem surprised by your questions about specific skills or responsibilities the candidate claimed to have should immediately raise concerns. If a candidate told you they have extensive experience with children with special needs but their reference seems confused when you ask about this, you’ve caught an embellishment or outright lie.
Short employment tenures across multiple positions warrant investigation. One brief position might be explained by family circumstances changing. A pattern of jobs lasting only a few months suggests either the nanny has problems retaining positions or is a serial job-hopper who won’t commit long-term to your family either.
Trial Period Red Flags: What You See in Action
Trial days or weeks with a candidate reveal how they actually work with your children, not just how they interview. This is your opportunity to observe real behavior and interaction, so pay close attention to concerning patterns.
Lack of engagement with your children during the trial is one of the biggest red flags families overlook. If the candidate sits on their phone while children play alone, if they don’t initiate activities or conversation, if they seem more focused on looking good to you than actually connecting with your kids, this tells you exactly what daily care will look like. Some candidates are wonderful at impressing parents but lack genuine interest in or skill with children.
Inability to manage typical childhood behaviors during the trial suggests they’ll struggle when you’re not there to support them. If your toddler has a tantrum and the candidate freezes, looks to you for help, or handles it in ways that concern you, imagine what will happen when they’re alone with your child during harder moments.
Discomfort with normal childhood messiness, noise, or chaos indicates someone who may not actually enjoy the realities of childcare. Professional nannies understand that caring for children involves mess, noise, spills, and unpredictability. Candidates who seem stressed, frustrated, or uncomfortable with these normal aspects of the job won’t thrive in your home.
Boundary issues often appear during trials. Candidates who are overly familiar too quickly, who ask inappropriate personal questions, who don’t respect your guidance about how you want things done, or who push back on your preferences during a trial will have significant boundary problems once employed.
Lack of initiative or constant need for direction during the trial reveals someone who will require extensive management rather than working independently. While asking some questions during a trial is appropriate, candidates who can’t make basic decisions or take any action without detailed instructions lack the confidence and competence for professional nanny work.
Defensiveness about feedback during the trial is particularly concerning. When you offer gentle suggestions about how you prefer something done and the candidate becomes defensive, makes excuses, or seems offended rather than receptive, this indicates someone who will be difficult to work with and won’t grow from constructive feedback.
Gut Instinct Red Flags: When Something Feels Off
One of the most commonly missed red flags is families’ own instincts telling them something isn’t right. We’ve coached countless families through situations where they had concerns but talked themselves out of trusting their gut feelings.
If you feel uncomfortable around a candidate for reasons you can’t articulate, take that seriously. Your instincts pick up on subtle signals that your conscious mind might not process. While you shouldn’t make hiring decisions based solely on vague feelings, you also shouldn’t dismiss persistent discomfort.
If your children react negatively to a candidate and that reaction doesn’t improve over multiple interactions, listen to what your children are communicating. Young children especially are often intuitive about people’s energy and intentions. While some initial shyness is normal, genuine fear, distress, or avoidance should be investigated.
If you find yourself making excuses for red flags or explaining away concerning behaviors because you’re desperate to fill the position, pause. Desperation leads to bad hiring decisions. It’s better to extend your search than to hire someone who isn’t right and deal with the consequences.
If multiple small concerns add up to a concerning overall picture, trust that accumulation of minor red flags. Any single issue might be explainable, but when several concerning patterns emerge, the combination likely indicates a problematic hire.
Background Check and Documentation Red Flags
The administrative and verification aspects of hiring reveal important information that families sometimes overlook or fail to pursue thoroughly.
Resistance to background checks, drug testing, or other standard verification processes should end your consideration of a candidate immediately. Professional nannies understand that families need to verify their backgrounds and don’t object to reasonable screening.
Gaps in employment history that the candidate can’t or won’t explain clearly deserve investigation. Everyone has gaps for legitimate reasons, but vague or evasive explanations about extended periods without work raise questions about what happened during that time.
Lack of proper work authorization or reluctance to provide documentation necessary for legal employment should be an absolute dealbreaker. Hiring someone without proper authorization creates legal problems for you and puts the employee in a vulnerable position.
Discovering that certifications or training the candidate claimed to have don’t exist or have lapsed indicates dishonesty. If someone says they’re CPR certified and you discover they’re not, you’ve learned they’re willing to lie about qualifications that affect your children’s safety.
Social Media and Online Presence Red Flags
While you should respect candidates’ privacy, publicly available social media often reveals concerning information that impacts their suitability for professional childcare work.
Excessive partying, drug or alcohol content, or inappropriate posts on public social media accounts suggest judgment problems. You’re not looking for candidates to be perfect, but public posts that reveal poor judgment, irresponsibility, or values misaligned with professional childcare work should concern you.
Complaints about previous employers, families, or children on social media demonstrate lack of professionalism and discretion. If they posted about their last family, they’ll post about yours.
Concerning political, social, or personal views expressed in extreme or aggressive ways might indicate someone whose values are fundamentally incompatible with your family. You’re not looking for candidates who agree with everything you believe, but extreme content that makes you uncomfortable should be considered.
When Red Flags Are Dealbreakers Versus When to Investigate Further
Not every concern automatically disqualifies a candidate. Some red flags warrant deeper investigation while others should immediately end your consideration.
Automatic dealbreakers include dishonesty about qualifications or background, anything suggesting safety concerns or impairment, evidence of serious boundary violations with previous families, criminal history involving children or violence, and consistent patterns of job-hopping or being fired.
Red flags that warrant investigation but aren’t automatic disqualifiers include single bad reference among otherwise good ones, nervousness during interviews that might be anxiety rather than incompetence, gaps in employment with plausible explanations, minor discrepancies in dates or details that might be memory issues, and personality quirks that aren’t actually problematic for the job.
The key is distinguishing between candidates who have genuine issues that will create problems versus candidates who are imperfect humans but will be excellent nannies. Experience, good judgment, and sometimes consultation with professionals who understand the nanny market helps you make these distinctions accurately.
What to Do When You’ve Already Hired Someone and Red Flags Emerge
Sometimes red flags don’t appear until after you’ve made the hire, or you realize you overlooked or minimized concerns during the hiring process. Knowing how to handle this situation protects your family.
If safety concerns emerge, act immediately. Don’t wait or hope things improve when your children’s wellbeing is at stake. Address serious safety issues directly and be prepared to end employment if necessary.
If other concerning patterns emerge early in employment, document them, address them clearly with your nanny, and assess whether improvement happens quickly. Some issues can be resolved with clear communication and adjustment. Others indicate fundamental problems with the match.
Don’t let sunk cost fallacy trap you into keeping someone who isn’t working out. The time and money you’ve invested in hiring and onboarding aren’t reasons to continue with a bad fit. Your children’s care is too important to compromise because you don’t want to start the search over.
Reach out to your placement agency if you used one. Good agencies stay involved after placement and can help you assess whether concerns are normal adjustment issues or genuine red flags requiring action.
The Seaside Nannies Difference in Protecting Families
At Seaside Nannies, we see ourselves as protective experts who help families avoid hiring mistakes. We’ve developed strong instincts over twenty years about which candidates will thrive with families and which ones present concerning patterns. We tailor-fit every step of our process, including rigorous screening that catches red flags before candidates ever reach families.
Never automated, never one-size-fits-all. We take the time to thoroughly vet candidates, contact all references and sometimes employers they didn’t list, conduct comprehensive background checks, and trust our own instincts when something feels off. We’d rather tell a candidate no than present them to families when we have concerns about their suitability.
For families hiring nannies in competitive markets where the pressure to fill positions quickly can lead to overlooking warning signs, having experienced professionals help you navigate the hiring process and identify red flags protects your children and saves you from costly mistakes. We’re committed to helping you recognize concerning patterns and trust your instincts rather than talking yourself into bad hires.
If you’re currently in the hiring process and something feels off about a candidate, reach out to our team. We can help you assess whether your concerns are valid red flags or normal nervousness about making such an important decision. Your children’s safety and your family’s wellbeing are too important to compromise, and we’re here to help you make the best possible hiring decisions.
