Six months ago, your nanny was amazing. They arrived early, stayed late without being asked, planned creative activities, kept the house spotless beyond their job description, and seemed genuinely excited about their work. Now? They arrive exactly on time, leave precisely when their shift ends, stick rigidly to basic responsibilities, and the spark is gone. You’re wondering what happened. Did you hire wrong? Is your nanny lazy? Are they looking for another job?
The uncomfortable truth is that you probably happened. Not maliciously, not intentionally, but through a thousand small actions that communicated to your nanny that going above and beyond doesn’t benefit them and might actually make their life harder. After twenty years of watching enthusiastic nannies become disengaged employees, we’ve learned that families often kill the very initiative and dedication they claim to value most. Understanding how this happens and how to prevent or repair it matters enormously if you want to keep excellent nannies who bring their best to your children.
How Enthusiasm Dies: The Predictable Pattern
The erosion of nanny enthusiasm follows depressingly predictable patterns. Recognizing these patterns helps you catch problems early before your nanny mentally checks out completely.
It starts with your nanny doing extra things out of genuine care and enthusiasm. They organize your children’s closets because the chaos bothered them. They prepare dinner for the whole family because they were cooking anyway. They work an extra hour without mentioning it because they wanted to finish an activity with your kids. They research educational programs and bring ideas for enrichment activities. This initiative comes from authentic investment in their work and your family.
Then you start expecting these extras without acknowledging them as extras. The organized closets happen regularly now, so you assume that’s just part of what they do. Family dinners become standard without discussion of whether cooking for adults was part of the original agreement. The extra hours accumulate without overtime pay because neither of you is tracking carefully. The educational research and activity planning you initially praised becomes the baseline expectation.
Your nanny realizes their helpfulness has become an obligation without additional compensation, appreciation, or reciprocal flexibility. They’re working harder, doing more, and receiving nothing extra in return. In fact, you might be annoyed when they don’t do these things that were never actually part of their job.
So they stop. They pull back to exactly what their job description specifies. They work their contracted hours, no more. They do childcare but not household management. They complete assigned tasks but don’t take initiative on additional improvements. From their perspective, they’re protecting themselves from exploitation. From your perspective, they’ve become less engaged and less valuable.
The relationship has shifted from partnership to transaction, and everyone loses. Your children lose out on a nanny who brings passion and creativity. Your nanny loses the satisfaction of feeling valued and invested. You lose the helper who made your life significantly easier beyond just basic childcare. And usually, this nanny eventually leaves for a position where they feel more appreciated.
The Scope Creep Problem
The most common way families kill nanny enthusiasm is through unchecked scope creep where responsibilities expand far beyond the original job without acknowledgment or compensation adjustment.
Your nanny was hired to care for your children. Full stop. Maybe light tidying related to the kids and preparing kids’ meals was included. But somehow, six months in, they’re doing all household laundry, cleaning common areas, running extensive errands, preparing meals for the whole family, managing household inventory and shopping, and coordinating with other service providers about household needs.
Each individual task probably started reasonably. “Could you throw in a load of laundry while the baby naps?” becomes daily laundry management for the whole household. “Would you mind picking up my dry cleaning since you’ll be driving past?” becomes regular errand running. “If you’re making the kids pasta, would you make enough for us too?” becomes full family meal preparation.
Your nanny probably said yes to these requests initially because they wanted to be helpful, accommodating, and valued. They didn’t realize that agreeing once or twice would transform these extras into permanent expectations. By the time they recognize that their job has fundamentally expanded, addressing it feels awkward and potentially risky.
Here’s what families often don’t realize: your nanny’s willingness to help doesn’t mean additional responsibilities should be free. When you add significant duties to their role without adjusting compensation, you’re essentially cutting their effective hourly rate. If they were earning thirty dollars hourly for forty hours of childcare and now they’re doing fifty hours worth of varied work for the same compensation, their effective rate dropped to twenty-four dollars hourly. That’s a significant pay cut disguised as being helpful.
The solution isn’t complicated, but it requires honesty and fairness. Acknowledge when responsibilities have expanded beyond the original agreement. Have a real conversation about which of these expanded duties are truly needed versus nice-to-have. For responsibilities that will continue, adjust compensation appropriately. Your nanny should earn more for doing more. This isn’t negotiable if you want to maintain a healthy working relationship.
The Appreciation Deficit
The second major enthusiasm killer is lack of genuine appreciation for the work your nanny does, both the basics and the extras. Humans need to feel valued for their contributions. When that acknowledgment disappears, motivation withers.
In the beginning, you probably thanked your nanny frequently. You noticed when they did things particularly well. You expressed genuine gratitude for their care of your children. Over time, as excellent care became routine, you stopped mentioning it. What felt special initially now feels like just doing their job.
Your nanny notices this shift. The activities they plan with care go unremarked upon. The extra effort they put into developmental play gets no acknowledgment. The way they handle difficult behaviors skillfully receives no praise. Eventually, they wonder why they’re putting in extra effort when nobody notices or cares.
Appreciation doesn’t require grand gestures. It requires noticing what your nanny does well and saying so. “Thank you for handling that tantrum so calmly. I know that’s exhausting work.” “I love how engaged the kids are in the activities you plan for them.” “I really appreciate how you always leave the kitchen cleaner than you found it.” These simple acknowledgments take seconds and make enormous differences in how valued your nanny feels.
Many families struggle with this because they think, “But I’m paying them. Isn’t that appreciation enough?” No. Compensation is what you owe for work performed. Appreciation is acknowledging the human doing the work and recognizing their contributions beyond just fulfilling a transaction. Every profession benefits from genuine recognition. Household employment, which can feel isolating and undervalued, needs it even more.
The Flexibility Double Standard
Nothing kills nanny enthusiasm faster than realizing that flexibility only flows one direction in your employment relationship. You expect extensive flexibility from your nanny while offering none in return.
When you need to stay late at work, your nanny accommodates without complaint. When you have last-minute evening plans, your nanny adjusts their schedule. When you want them to travel with your family, your nanny rearranges their life. When your schedule changes weekly, your nanny adapts constantly. This flexibility is wonderful, and you appreciate having an accommodating nanny.
But when your nanny needs to leave fifteen minutes early for an appointment, you seem annoyed. When they request time off, you make them feel guilty about the inconvenience. When they can’t work extra hours on short notice because they have personal commitments, you act like they’re being difficult. The message you’re sending is clear: your time and needs matter more than theirs.
This double standard breeds resentment faster than almost anything else in household employment. Your nanny is a human with a life, commitments, needs, and priorities beyond their job. Treating their time as infinitely flexible while guarding your own rigidly tells them they’re not valued as a person, just as a convenience.
The fix requires genuine reciprocity. When your nanny accommodates your needs, acknowledge it and reciprocate when they need flexibility. Track the give and take. If your nanny consistently works extra hours when you need help, don’t nickel-and-dime when they need to leave early occasionally. If they’ve traveled with you multiple times, enthusiastically approve their vacation requests. Reciprocity builds loyalty. One-sided expectations destroy it.
The Boundary Violation Erosion
Subtle boundary violations gradually erode nanny enthusiasm even when families don’t realize they’re crossing lines. These violations communicate disrespect, even when unintentional.
Texting your nanny constantly during off-hours about non-urgent matters tells them they’re never truly off duty. Calling them on vacation to ask questions about children’s routines says their personal time isn’t actually theirs. Showing up home unexpectedly during their work hours and hovering or undermining their authority with your children communicates lack of trust.
Asking them to handle increasingly personal tasks that aren’t childcare related – picking up your prescriptions, dealing with your personal appointments, managing your life admin – blurs the lines between professional childcare and personal assistant in ways that feel inappropriate.
Making comments about their appearance, personal life choices, relationships, or other topics that aren’t related to their work crosses professional boundaries and creates discomfort.
Each individual violation might seem minor, but the accumulation creates an environment where your nanny never feels fully off duty, fully respected, or fully trusted. That exhaustion and discomfort manifests as reduced enthusiasm and eventual disengagement.
Respecting boundaries requires intentionality. Honor off-duty time completely unless true emergencies arise. Stay in your lane regarding what tasks you ask your nanny to handle. Maintain appropriate professional distance even as the relationship feels personal. Your nanny needs clear boundaries to do sustainable, enthusiastic work. Violating those boundaries might get you short-term accommodation, but it costs you long-term engagement and eventually the employee entirely.
The Financial Neglect
Many families lose enthusiastic nannies by failing to adjust compensation as time passes, responsibilities grow, or the nanny’s value becomes increasingly clear. Financial neglect sends powerful messages about how much you value their work.
If your nanny has been with you for a year, two years, three years, providing excellent consistent care, and their compensation hasn’t increased, you’re effectively cutting their pay annually as inflation erodes buying power. This tells them their growing expertise, their deepening relationship with your children, and their proven reliability have no increased value to you.
If responsibilities have expanded significantly without compensation adjustment, you’re taking advantage of their helpfulness to get more labor for the same price. This communicates that their work has no real value beyond what you initially decided to pay.
If you’ve received raises, bonuses, or increased income over the time your nanny has worked for you, but their compensation has remained static, the message is clear: your improved financial situation doesn’t translate to shared success with the person enabling your career and caring for your children.
Professional nanny compensation should increase over time to reflect cost of living, growing expertise, proven value, and expanding responsibilities if any. Annual reviews discussing compensation aren’t optional extras. They’re professional employment basics. If you want your nanny to remain enthusiastic and invested, demonstrate that investment through appropriate compensation growth.
When You’ve Already Lost Their Enthusiasm: Can You Get It Back?
If you’re reading this and recognizing that your nanny has already disengaged, wondering if you can repair the relationship, the answer is maybe. Success depends on how far things have deteriorated and whether you’re willing to make genuine changes rather than just temporary accommodations.
Start with an honest conversation acknowledging what’s changed. “I’ve noticed things feel different between us, and I’m wondering if there are ways I’ve contributed to that. Can we talk about what’s been working and what hasn’t?” This requires genuine openness to hearing difficult feedback without defensiveness.
Listen without justifying, explaining, or minimizing when your nanny shares concerns. If they mention scope creep, don’t immediately defend every additional task by explaining why it made sense. If they discuss feeling undervalued, don’t point to their salary as evidence that you value them. Just listen and acknowledge their experience.
Make concrete changes based on what you hear. If responsibilities have expanded, either reduce them back to the original scope or adjust compensation appropriately. If appreciation has been lacking, implement regular acknowledgment of their work. If flexibility has been one-sided, commit to genuine reciprocity going forward.
Follow through consistently. One conversation and temporary improvement won’t rebuild trust and enthusiasm. Your nanny needs to see sustained changes in how you operate before they’ll risk reinvesting in going above and beyond.
Understand that some damage can’t be fully repaired. If your nanny has decided they’re done, even good changes might not restore what was lost. Sometimes the best outcome is maintaining a functional working relationship until natural transition points arise. Other times, acknowledging that things won’t improve allows both parties to move forward to better situations.
Preventing Enthusiasm Erosion From the Start
The best approach is preventing disengagement rather than trying to repair it after damage is done. Building sustainable enthusiastic working relationships requires ongoing intentionality.
Maintain clear job descriptions and revisit them regularly. If responsibilities evolve, address that explicitly rather than letting scope creep happen through gradual expansion of casual requests.
Acknowledge and compensate extra work appropriately. When your nanny does things beyond their job description, either as one-time helps or ongoing additions, recognize this verbally and financially.
Express genuine appreciation regularly for both extras and excellent performance of basic responsibilities. Everyone needs to feel valued and noticed. Your nanny is no exception.
Offer reciprocal flexibility. Track the give and take in your relationship. When your nanny accommodates your needs repeatedly, make sure you’re accommodating theirs equivalently.
Respect boundaries consistently. Honor off-duty time, maintain appropriate professional distance, and don’t violate the lines between their work and your personal convenience.
Adjust compensation appropriately over time. Annual reviews discussing performance, market rates, cost of living, and compensation adjustments should be standard in your employment relationship.
Treat your nanny like the professional they are. They’re not family, they’re not a servant, they’re not someone whose job is to make your life easier at their own expense. They’re a childcare professional you’ve hired for their expertise and care. Treat them accordingly.
The Seaside Nannies Perspective
For families in markets where retaining quality nannies requires treating them professionally and maintaining their engagement over time, understanding what kills enthusiasm and how to prevent it protects your investment in finding great care. We’d rather help you keep excellent nannies for years than repeatedly help you hire new ones because you couldn’t maintain healthy working relationships.
If your nanny’s enthusiasm has noticeably decreased and you’re wondering what happened or whether it can be fixed, the patterns described here probably explain the dynamic. The question is whether you’re willing to make genuine changes to address them. Your nanny’s engagement directly impacts your children’s experience and your family’s quality of life. That makes this worth addressing honestly rather than just accepting reduced enthusiasm as inevitable.
