It’s mid-November and your employer family just mentioned they’re hoping you’ll be available to work Christmas week because they’re hosting extended family and really need extra help. Or they’re planning a ski trip over New Year’s and they’d love for you to join them. Or they’re casually mentioning they assume you’ll work the week between Christmas and New Year’s because “nobody really works that week anyway.” And you’re sitting there realizing you haven’t actually negotiated holiday time off, or if you did negotiate it in your contract, they’re conveniently forgetting what was agreed to.
The holidays create unique pressure around nanny employment because families’ needs increase dramatically at the same time that nannies want time off to be with their own families. Kids are out of school for weeks. Parents are trying to work or prepare for hosting. Extended family visits create chaos. Travel plans are complicated. And everyone’s stressed and operating with less patience than usual.
After twenty years working with nannies across New York and nationwide, we’ve watched this holiday negotiation play out thousands of times. Some nannies successfully protect their time off and maintain professional boundaries. Others get guilted into working when they wanted to be with their own families, or they end up in conflicts that poison working relationships. Understanding how to navigate holiday expectations helps you protect yourself while maintaining good relationships with employer families.
What Your Contract Should Actually Say
The biggest mistake nannies make about holidays is not having clear written agreements about time off and availability before holiday season arrives. If you’re negotiating a new position or if you’ve been working without clear holiday terms, address this explicitly now rather than assuming everyone’s on the same page.
Your contract should specify which holidays are paid time off. At minimum, professional nanny positions should include major federal holidays as paid days off – New Year’s Day, Memorial Day, July 4th, Labor Day, Thanksgiving, and Christmas. Many contracts also include Christmas Eve, New Year’s Eve, and the day after Thanksgiving. Be specific about dates and whether partial days count.
The contract should also clarify expectations around holiday weeks when kids are out of school. Are you expected to work your normal schedule during school breaks or do families handle childcare themselves? If you’re expected to work, is there additional compensation for working extended hours during holiday chaos?
Address travel expectations explicitly. Are you expected to travel with families during holidays? If so, how is that compensated? What are the terms around declining travel? Can families require your participation in holiday trips or is it optional?
Also clarify what happens if holidays fall on your normally scheduled days off. Do you get a floating holiday to use another time? Is there any compensation? Don’t assume common practices are understood – write it down.
Negotiating Time Off for This Year
If you’re already employed and holidays are approaching without clear agreements, you need to negotiate time off now rather than waiting until families announce their plans.
Initiate the conversation early. Don’t wait until mid-December to tell families you need Christmas week off. By October or November, you should be discussing holiday plans so everyone has time to make arrangements.
Be clear and direct about what you need. “I’ll be taking December 24th through January 1st off to spend with my family” is a statement, not a request. If your contract includes this time off, you’re informing them of your plans, not asking permission. If your contract doesn’t include it, you’re requesting it with reasonable advance notice.
If families push back, reference your contract if applicable. “Our agreement includes Christmas and New Year’s as paid holidays, so I’ll be off those weeks as we agreed when I was hired.” If you don’t have written agreement, you’re in weaker position but you can still advocate: “I understand this creates challenges, but I need this time with my own family and I’m giving you six weeks notice to arrange alternative care.”
Be willing to negotiate around the edges but maintain your core boundaries. Maybe you can work the Monday before Christmas when you were hoping for that off, in exchange for definitely having Christmas Day and the days following. Maybe you can help them find temporary coverage for the time you’re taking off. But don’t let them guilt you into giving up time with your own family.
When Families “Forget” Contract Terms
Some families mysteriously forget what was agreed to about holidays when it’s inconvenient for them. They act surprised that you’re taking time off that was explicitly included in your contract, or they claim to not remember agreeing to paid holidays.
If this happens, address it calmly but firmly with written reference to your contract. Email or text: “Hi [family], I wanted to confirm my holiday schedule as outlined in our contract. I’ll be taking December 24-26 as paid holidays and December 27-30 as my annual vacation time. Let me know if you need a copy of our agreement for your records.”
Written communication creates documentation and it often prompts families to “remember” what was actually agreed to. It’s harder to claim confusion when the contract is right there in writing.
If families try to renegotiate terms that were already agreed to, hold firm. “I understand you’d prefer I work Christmas week, but our contract specifies this as paid time off and I’ve made plans based on that agreement. I’m not available to work that week.” You’re not being difficult – you’re enforcing the terms you both agreed to.
Sometimes families claim financial circumstances have changed and they can’t afford to give you paid time off. That’s not actually your problem. If they can’t afford the terms of employment they agreed to, they need different childcare solution, not you working for free or giving up contracted benefits.
The Guilt Trip About Family Travel
Families often frame requests to travel with them over holidays as exciting opportunities rather than work requirements. “We’d love to have you join us in Aspen for Christmas!” sounds like invitation but it’s actually asking you to work during time you might want with your own family.
Be clear about whether you’re interested in holiday travel before families book trips assuming your availability. If you’re not interested regardless of compensation, say so early: “I appreciate the offer but I spend holidays with my own family and I’m not available for travel during that time.”
If you’re potentially interested depending on terms, discuss compensation and logistics before committing. Holiday travel should include significantly higher compensation than normal work – time and a half at minimum, potentially double time. Your travel expenses should be fully covered including flights at reasonable times. Your accommodations should be private and comfortable, not sharing rooms with kids or cramped staff quarters.
Also clarify what “working while traveling” actually means. Are you on duty 24/7 or are there specific work hours? Are you expected to participate in family activities or are you working while they do their own thing? Will you have any time to enjoy the location or are you just working in a different place?
Don’t let families make you feel ungrateful for negotiating or declining travel. They’re asking you to give up your own holidays to work for them. That’s significant sacrifice regardless of how nice the destination is, and it requires significant compensation plus your genuine willingness rather than guilt-tripped agreement.
Working Holidays for Extra Money
Some nannies actively want to work holidays for the extra income. If you don’t celebrate Christmas or you’re comfortable missing holidays with family for the right compensation, working holidays can be lucrative.
But make sure the compensation actually reflects the sacrifice. Holiday work should be paid at premium rates – time and a half at absolute minimum, double time is more appropriate. If families want you to work Christmas Day, they need to compensate you like that’s the valuable sacrifice it is.
Also clarify whether you’re agreeing to work specific holidays ongoing or just this year. Don’t let one-time agreement to work Christmas become expectation that you’re always available for holidays. “I’m willing to work Christmas this year for double-time pay, but I want to be clear this isn’t setting precedent for future years.”
Be aware that once you work one holiday, families sometimes assume you’re always available. Protect yourself by being explicit about what you’re agreeing to and maintaining that this year’s situation doesn’t obligate you for future years.
The Week Between Christmas and New Year’s
The week between Christmas and New Year’s creates particular tension because many families have that week off work and kids are out of school, but they still want childcare so they can relax, catch up on tasks, or prepare for hosting.
From families’ perspective, they’re paying for full-time childcare and they want coverage during the week they’re actually off work. From nannies’ perspective, if the family’s home and not working, they should handle their own childcare during holiday week rather than expecting nanny to work while they relax.
The right answer depends on what was agreed to in your contract. If your agreement specifies you work whenever kids are in your care regardless of parents’ work schedules, then you’re expected to work that week unless you negotiated it as vacation time. If your agreement ties your schedule to parents’ work schedules, then the week they’re off work arguably means you’re off too.
If there’s no clear contract term about this specific situation, you’re negotiating in real time. You can offer to work some of that week if they desperately need coverage and you’re willing to do it for appropriate compensation. You can also hold firm that this is your vacation time and you’re not available.
The key is addressing this before December rather than everyone making assumptions and then being upset when reality doesn’t match expectations.
When You’re Expected to Help With Holiday Preparations
Some families treat holiday weeks as time when they need extra help with party prep, cooking, decorating, shopping, wrapping, and all the tasks that make holidays happen. These tasks often fall outside normal childcare responsibilities.
If families ask you to take on holiday tasks beyond your usual job, clarify whether this is paid work and whether it’s work you’re willing to do. Shopping for family gifts, wrapping presents, preparing food for parties – these might be tasks you’re happy to help with for appropriate extra compensation. Or they might be things you’re not willing to do regardless of pay.
Don’t let families assume your availability for errands and tasks just because you’re at their house during holiday season. Your job is childcare unless your contract specifies otherwise. If they want additional help, that requires explicit agreement and appropriate compensation.
Also watch for scope creep where helping with one small task turns into days of holiday preparation work. If you agree to wrap gifts one afternoon, don’t let that become expectation that you’re helping with all holiday tasks indefinitely.
Managing Your Own Family Expectations
While you’re navigating employer family expectations, you’re also managing your own family’s needs and expectations about your holiday availability.
Be realistic with your family about what’s actually feasible. If you work for a family with young kids, you probably can’t commit to extensive holiday travel or complicated plans because you don’t control your schedule completely. Under-promise to your own family so you’re not disappointing them if work obligations limit your availability.
If your family is pressuring you to be available more than your work allows, you might need to have difficult conversations about priorities. Yes, holidays matter. But so does your employment and income. If your family expects you to simply quit or take unpaid time whenever they want you available, that’s not realistic understanding of how employment works.
Consider whether you can create holiday celebrations on non-traditional days if your work schedule requires you to be available during actual holidays. Celebrating Christmas on December 27th or having Thanksgiving dinner the weekend after aren’t ideal but they’re better than missing celebrations entirely.
What Fair Employers Do
Families who handle holidays well understand that nannies have their own families and holiday needs, and they plan accordingly rather than assuming infinite availability.
They clarify holiday terms in writing when hiring. They raise holiday planning early enough that everyone can make arrangements. They respect contracted time off without guilting employees about taking it. They compensate generously if they’re asking nannies to work holidays or travel during holidays.
They also recognize that nannies making sacrifices to work holidays enables families’ own celebrations, and they show appreciation through compensation and flexibility. Maybe they give holiday bonuses. Maybe they’re extra flexible about letting you leave early when possible. Maybe they express genuine gratitude rather than treating your availability as expected.
Fair employers also maintain realistic expectations. They don’t expect nannies to work holidays while they’re relaxing at home. They don’t plan travel assuming nanny availability without discussing it first. They don’t create obligation to be available just because it’s convenient for them.
When to Draw Hard Lines
Some situations require absolute boundaries rather than negotiation and flexibility.
If families are asking you to give up your own major holidays without adequate compensation, that’s time to draw hard line. You’re allowed to prioritize your own family’s Christmas or Hanukkah or New Year’s, and families who can’t respect that don’t deserve your continued employment.
If families consistently ignore contract terms about holiday time off, that’s also hard line territory. One instance might be miscommunication. Repeated “forgetting” of agreed terms is disrespect that signals they don’t value you as professional employee.
If they’re trying to guilt you into working holidays by telling you the kids will be devastated or their family gatherings will be ruined without you, shut that down. “I understand my time off creates challenges, but I have my own family commitments during holidays and I’m not available to work.” Their poor planning or unwillingness to arrange alternative coverage doesn’t create obligation for you to sacrifice your holidays.
The Bottom Line
Holidays amplify all the tensions in nanny-family relationships because everyone’s needs collide and resources feel scarce. Families need more help when nannies want time off. Nannies want to celebrate with their own families while employer families assume their availability.
Navigating this successfully requires clear written agreements about holiday time off, early communication about plans, willingness to negotiate around edges while protecting core boundaries, and mutual respect for everyone’s holiday needs.
After twenty years watching New York nannies and nannies nationwide manage holiday negotiations, we know the ones who protect themselves best are those who advocate clearly for their needs without guilt. Families who respect those boundaries usually maintain the best long-term working relationships because everyone’s operating with clarity rather than resentment.
Your holidays matter. Your time with your own family matters. You’re not obligated to sacrifice your holidays indefinitely just because families need help during that time. Draw appropriate boundaries, communicate clearly, and don’t apologize for having your own life and family beyond your employment.
