Your five-year-old comes home and announces that dinosaurs aren’t real because the nanny said so. Or your eight-year-old starts repeating political talking points you strongly disagree with. Or your kids are suddenly asking detailed questions about religious concepts you’ve never discussed because your nanny has been teaching them her beliefs. You’re standing there realizing that someone you’re paying to care for your children is actively instilling values and beliefs that directly contradict what you want your kids to learn.
This is one of the most challenging conflicts that can arise with childcare providers because it touches on deeply held beliefs and values on both sides. Your nanny might genuinely think they’re helping your children by sharing important truths. You might feel like your parental authority and family values are being undermined in your own home. Both perspectives feel valid to the people holding them, but only one person is actually the parent who gets to decide what values are taught to these specific children.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we see this play out in Nashville families where religious and cultural diversity among household staff means childcare providers might have very different worldviews than the families employing them. The challenge is creating boundaries that allow your nanny to be authentic while not imposing their beliefs on your children in ways that contradict your parenting.
Start by being clear about what your boundaries are. Some families are completely open to their nanny sharing different perspectives and see it as valuable exposure to diverse viewpoints. Other families want their nanny to avoid all discussion of religion, politics, or controversial topics entirely. Most families are somewhere in the middle – they’re fine with casual mentions or answers to questions but not with active teaching or proselytizing.
If you haven’t been explicit about these boundaries and you discover your nanny has been teaching your kids things you disagree with, address it directly. “I appreciate that you have strong beliefs about X, but we’ve decided to handle that topic differently in our family. I need you to avoid teaching the kids about your views on this going forward. If they ask you questions about it, please redirect them to us.”
The conversation gets harder when your nanny believes they have a moral obligation to share certain beliefs with children. Some people believe that not teaching children about their religion or worldview is harmful, and they struggle with the idea that they should stay silent about things they see as fundamentally important. You need to be very clear that their personal moral obligations don’t override your parental authority.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families to frame this around professional boundaries rather than whose beliefs are right. “I’m not telling you what to believe, and I respect that your values are important to you. But when you’re in a professional childcare role with our children, you need to respect that we’re the parents and we get to decide what they’re taught about religion, politics, and values. This isn’t about whose beliefs are correct – it’s about professional boundaries.”
Some nannies will push back by saying they can’t hide who they are or that answering kids’ questions honestly is part of being authentic. That’s fair to a point. There’s a difference between “Why do you wear that cross necklace?” “It’s a symbol of my Christian faith” and launching into detailed religious instruction or telling children they need to believe certain things. Authenticity doesn’t require teaching.
Pay attention to whether your nanny is actively teaching or simply modeling their own values. Observing that your nanny prays before meals or wears religious symbols or mentions going to church is different from your nanny telling your kids they need to pray or teaching them religious doctrines. Kids learning that different people have different beliefs by observing is generally fine. Kids being instructed in beliefs that contradict family values is not.
Watch for age-inappropriate content regardless of whether you agree with the underlying beliefs. Even if you’re generally aligned with your nanny’s values, teaching complex or frightening religious concepts to very young children, sharing graphic political content, or discussing adult topics isn’t appropriate. Your nanny should have good judgment about what’s developmentally suitable regardless of the topic.
Consider whether what’s being taught is actually harmful or just different from your approach. Your nanny teaching your kids that sharing is important or that they should be kind to animals probably isn’t a problem even if they’re framing it through religious values you don’t share. Your nanny teaching your kids that certain types of people are bad or that your family’s lifestyle choices are sinful is a much bigger problem.
If the issue is religious proselytizing, be especially firm. “We respect your religious beliefs, but you’re not permitted to teach our children religious doctrines or tell them they need to believe certain things. If they have questions about religion, please direct them to us. We’ll handle their religious education.” This isn’t religious discrimination – it’s appropriate boundaries about who gets to shape children’s spiritual development.
Political topics require similar boundaries. “We don’t want the kids exposed to political content that’s beyond their developmental level or that reflects views we strongly disagree with. If political topics come up, please keep responses very simple and neutral, or redirect them to us.” Your nanny doesn’t get to turn your children into junior activists for causes you don’t support.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we’ve seen families handle this by being very explicit during hiring about values alignment or values boundaries. Some families specifically seek childcare providers who share their religious or political views. Others explicitly hire people with different backgrounds but set clear boundaries about what can be discussed. Either approach works if everyone’s clear on expectations.
After you’ve set boundaries, monitor whether they’re being respected. Ask your kids casually what they talked about with their nanny. Listen for whether topics you’ve said are off-limits are still coming up. Your nanny might agree to your face to stop teaching about controversial topics while continuing to do so when you’re not around.
If boundaries continue to be violated after clear conversations, you’re dealing with someone who values sharing their beliefs more than respecting your parental authority. That’s a fundamental incompatibility. Some nannies genuinely can’t separate their personal mission to spread certain beliefs from their professional childcare responsibilities. If that’s your nanny, they need to go work for a family that welcomes their teaching.
Consider whether there’s room for compromise that respects both your boundaries and your nanny’s authenticity. Maybe your nanny can answer factual questions about their own beliefs without prescribing those beliefs to your kids. Maybe they can share that people have different views on topics without pushing their specific view. Maybe they can model their values through actions without explicitly teaching ideology.
Be prepared for your nanny to decide this job isn’t right for them. Some people can’t or won’t work in environments where they’re asked to avoid sharing beliefs they see as foundational to who they are. That’s their choice, and it’s better for everyone if they’re honest about it rather than agreeing to boundaries they can’t maintain.
The bottom line is that your nanny’s role is to care for your children according to your parenting approach, not to indoctrinate them into the nanny’s belief system. Exposure to different perspectives can be valuable, but active teaching of values that contradict family beliefs is overstepping. Be clear about boundaries, enforce them consistently, and don’t hesitate to end the relationship if your nanny can’t respect that you get to decide what your own children are taught.
