The job description said family assistant focused on school-age children. Homework help, after-school activities, meal prep for kids, light tidying in children’s spaces. You’d work 3 PM to 7 PM Monday through Friday supporting two elementary-aged kids while parents finished their workdays. The interview reinforced this scope. They talked about their kids’ schedules, their need for consistent homework support, their desire for someone who could manage the after-school chaos. You took the position because it aligned perfectly with your skills and interests. You’re excellent with school-age children, you have teaching background that makes homework help natural, and the part-time schedule worked for your life. Six months in, you’re doing everything except what you were actually hired for.
The kids get maybe thirty minutes of your attention daily if you’re lucky. The rest of your shift is grocery shopping, returning online orders, organizing the parents’ closets, researching contractors for home projects, making dinner for the adults, handling the parents’ dry cleaning, managing household vendors, and fielding constant texts about random errands the mother thinks of throughout the day. When you try to redirect toward the children, you’re told “Oh, they’re fine, they’re just watching TV. But could you run to Target quickly before the store closes?” The homework goes undone, the kids are essentially unsupervised, and you’re functioning as general household assistant doing whatever random tasks need handling. This isn’t what you signed up for, it’s not what you’re being paid appropriately to do, and it’s definitely not what you enjoy or excel at. But every time you try to refocus on the kids, you’re redirected to household tasks. The job you accepted has disappeared entirely and been replaced with different role that nobody explicitly discussed or agreed to.
This scope creep affects family assistants constantly and it’s one of the primary reasons good FAs leave positions or burn out entirely. Families hire for specific role, pay for specific skills, and then gradually or sometimes immediately expand expectations to include whatever needs doing around the house regardless of whether that’s what the employee was hired to handle. The assistant who should be focused on children becomes default person for every household task because you’re there, you’re capable, and families don’t want to manage multiple staff members when they can just pile everything onto one person. We’ve been placing family assistants in Los Angeles and across markets for over twenty years and we’ve watched this pattern destroy otherwise good employment relationships repeatedly. Let’s talk about how scope creep happens, why families don’t see the problem even when it’s blatant, how expanding expectations affect FAs professionally and financially, and how to address scope creep when it’s transforming your job.
How Family Assistant Scope Gets Redefined
The confusion starts with the title itself. “Family assistant” is vague enough that families interpret it broadly to include anything family-related, which is essentially everything in their household. Unlike “nanny” which clearly signals childcare focus, family assistant sounds like it could reasonably include household management, personal errands, general support, basically anything family needs. That linguistic ambiguity creates foundation for scope expansion that families don’t even recognize as problematic. Initial job descriptions emphasize childcare components because that’s what gets qualified candidates interested, but they often include catch-all phrases like “additional household support as needed” or “light household duties” that become license for unlimited scope expansion. That phrase that seemed minor during hiring becomes justification for hours of non-childcare work daily.
Families hire family assistants specifically because they want flexibility and they’re unclear about their own needs. They know they need help but they haven’t thought through exactly what that help looks like, so they hire someone and then figure it out as they go by assigning whatever tasks are currently overwhelming them. Your job gets defined by their current stress rather than by the role you were hired for. The daily exposure and accessibility make you default person for everything. You’re in their house, you’re available, you’re competent, so when they think of something that needs doing, asking you is easier than hiring separate vendor or doing it themselves. Each individual request seems reasonable in isolation, but collectively they completely transform the role.
Parents who work from home or who are around the house regularly generate constant stream of tasks because they’re noticing things that need handling in real-time. The family where both parents work outside the home might stick closer to original childcare focus because they’re not present to observe and assign random household tasks constantly. Parents who are home see dish that needs washing, closet that needs organizing, package that needs returning, and they ask you to handle it immediately. The accumulation of “while you’re here” tasks drowns out the original childcare responsibilities. Economic pressure to maximize value from household staff means families expand scope to get as much as possible from your salary. If they’re paying $30/hour for family assistant, they want $30/hour worth of productivity, and to them that means keeping you busy with whatever needs doing rather than paying you to focus on children who might not need constant attention.
Why Childcare Becomes Secondary
Once the pattern establishes that you’ll handle general household tasks, families start seeing you primarily as household help who also watches kids rather than as childcare professional who provides some household support. That mental recategorization of your role changes everything about how they utilize you and what they expect. Kids who are school-age don’t require constant supervision the way younger children do, so families convince themselves the kids are “fine” with minimal attention and your time is better spent on tasks that need active doing. They’re not wrong that school-age kids can entertain themselves, but they’re hiring you specifically because they wanted more than just supervision. They wanted homework support, activity engagement, skill development, consistent attention that enhances children’s lives. That value gets lost when you’re too busy with household errands to provide it.
The household tasks are more immediately visible and measurable than quality childcare. Clean kitchen is obvious result. Groceries put away is clear accomplishment. Time spent reading with kids or helping with math homework doesn’t produce visible output that parents notice, so it feels less productive even though it’s arguably more valuable. Parents gravitate toward assigning tasks with obvious completion because they can see the value clearly. The parents’ own stress about household management overshadows their concerns about children’s needs. When mother is overwhelmed by household chaos, getting that chaos under control feels more urgent than ensuring kids get quality homework help, especially if kids seem basically fine. Her immediate stress relief takes priority over children’s longer-term development needs.
Many families unconsciously or consciously decide that paying someone to do errands and household tasks saves them more money and stress than paying someone to provide enhanced childcare. Running errands costs them time and mental energy they’d rather preserve. Homework help is nice but probably the kids would eventually figure it out anyway. The calculus shifts toward maximizing household efficiency rather than optimizing child development. Some parents are conflict-avoidant or disorganized enough that they don’t want to manage multiple household staff, so they expand your role to include household management tasks that should probably be handled by house manager or separate vendors because managing one employee is easier than coordinating several. You become catch-all solution to their management avoidance.
The Professional Impact on You
You’re doing work you’re not trained for and don’t particularly want to do. If you specialized as family assistant rather than house manager, it’s because you prefer working with children over managing households. Being forced into household management role isn’t just scope expansion, it’s career redirection you didn’t choose. The work you actually enjoy and excel at, the childcare and child development work, becomes smaller and smaller percentage of your time. That’s demoralizing when you took this position specifically because you love working with kids. You lose professional identity and skill development in your actual area of expertise. You’re not growing as childcare professional because you’re barely doing childcare. You’re developing household management skills you don’t want and that don’t serve your career goals.
The compensation doesn’t match the expanded scope. Family assistant rates and house manager rates are different because they’re different roles requiring different skills and responsibilities. If you’re doing house manager work at family assistant pay, you’re being underpaid for the actual work you’re performing. The responsibilities you’re handling, the errands, the vendor management, the household organization, if those were listed in job description upfront, the position would command higher rate. But because scope expanded gradually from childcare-focused role, you’re locked into compensation that doesn’t reflect current reality. You’re spread too thin to do anything well. Trying to support children’s homework while also managing household tasks means you’re half-focused on both. You can’t provide excellent childcare while simultaneously mentally tracking grocery lists and contractor schedules. The quality of all your work suffers when scope expands beyond what one person can reasonably handle well.
Physical exhaustion increases when you’re running errands, doing household tasks, and providing childcare all within same shift. The variety sounds like it might be nice but actually the constant switching between different types of tasks is more tiring than focused work would be. You can’t get into flow state with anything when you’re being pulled in multiple directions constantly. The job satisfaction plummets. You took position to work with children because that’s meaningful work that energizes you. Managing household logistics is necessary work but it’s not what motivates you or makes you feel fulfilled. Spending your days doing work you didn’t choose and don’t enjoy while the work you actually want to do becomes afterthought is recipe for burnout.
The Financial Reality
Most family assistants don’t get compensated appropriately when scope expands dramatically. The salary was set based on original childcare-focused job description. As responsibilities expand to include household management, personal errands, organization projects, and general support, compensation rarely increases proportionally. You’re doing significantly more and more varied work for the same pay. Some families genuinely don’t realize the scope has expanded so dramatically. To them, each individual addition seemed small. “Could you just grab these groceries while you’re out with kids?” “Would you mind organizing this closet? It’ll only take twenty minutes.” They’re not tracking that you’ve accumulated hours of additional daily work that wasn’t part of original agreement. Other families absolutely know they’ve expanded scope and they’re hoping you won’t notice or won’t push back. They’re getting house manager services at family assistant rate and they know it’s good deal for them.
The market rate differential between roles is significant. Family assistants in major markets typically earn $25-35/hour depending on experience and exact responsibilities. House managers earn $35-50+/hour because role includes significant household management responsibilities, vendor coordination, household systems development. If your family assistant role has morphed into house manager role, you’re potentially being underpaid by $10-20/hour. Over year of full-time work, that’s $20,000-40,000 in lost compensation. Some families actively rely on title confusion to underpay for work being done. Calling you family assistant and paying family assistant rate while actually requiring house manager responsibilities is way to get professional household management cheaply. It’s exploitative even if family doesn’t consciously recognize it as such.
Benefits and professional development don’t adjust to match expanded role. If you were hired as family assistant, any continuing education support or professional development opportunities probably focus on childcare skills. But you’re now doing work that requires household management expertise, vendor negotiation skills, organizational systems knowledge, and you’re not getting support to develop those capabilities. The long-term career impact includes being pigeonholed in combined role that doesn’t align with your professional goals. If you stay in this position for several years, your resume shows broad household support rather than specialized childcare expertise, which might not help you get the childcare-focused positions you actually want in future.
How to Address Scope Creep
Start by documenting exactly what you’re actually doing daily versus what was in original job description. Track your time for two weeks noting how much time goes to childcare versus household tasks versus errands versus other responsibilities. This concrete data shows the scope expansion clearly and gives you specific information to reference in conversations. Be objective about the documentation. You’re not trying to prove wrongdoing, you’re creating accurate picture of how role has evolved. Request formal conversation about job responsibilities using your documentation to frame discussion. “I’d like to discuss how my role has evolved since I started. I’ve been tracking my time and I’m spending about 70% of my time on household management and errands rather than the childcare focus we discussed initially. I wanted to talk about whether this is what you’re looking for and how we should adjust.”
Come to the conversation with clear preference about what you want. Do you want to return to original childcare focus? Do you want compensation increase to match expanded scope? Do you want to formalize new hybrid role with appropriate title and pay? Knowing what outcome you’re seeking makes negotiation clearer. If you want to return to childcare focus, be prepared to discuss why household tasks should be handled differently. “I was hired specifically for my childcare expertise and that’s where I add most value to your family. For the household management tasks, you might consider hiring house manager for those responsibilities or using services for errands. I’m most effective when I can focus on the children.” If you’re open to continuing expanded scope but need appropriate compensation, present market data about what hybrid role should pay. “Given that my responsibilities now include significant household management in addition to childcare, market rate for this combined role would be $X. I’d like to adjust my compensation to reflect the work I’m actually doing.”
Be prepared for resistance or denial. Families often genuinely don’t see the scope expansion as dramatic as it is. Having specific examples and time-tracking data helps overcome that denial. “In a typical week, I’m spending about six hours on grocery shopping, returns, and errands, four hours on household organization and management, and the remaining time on childcare. That’s significantly different than the role we discussed.” Set boundaries about what you’re willing to do going forward regardless of compensation discussion. “Going forward, I need to focus my time more on the children as my primary responsibility. I can handle occasional household tasks when they don’t interfere with childcare, but I can’t continue managing the volume of errands and household projects I’ve been covering.”
When Families Won’t Adjust
If you’ve raised the issue clearly and family won’t adjust either the scope back to original focus or the compensation to match current reality, you have to decide whether the position is sustainable as-is. Some family assistants decide the total compensation package including benefits, schedule, location, or other factors make the expanded scope tolerable even if not ideal. Others recognize that continuing in role that doesn’t align with career goals and doesn’t compensate appropriately is bad long-term choice. Consider whether staying damages your professional development and career trajectory. If you want to build career as childcare professional but you’re spending years doing household management, you’re potentially hurting future opportunities in your actual field. The longer you stay in misaligned role, the harder it becomes to shift back to your intended career path.
Your physical and emotional wellbeing matter more than preserving employment relationship that’s exploitative or unsustainable. If the expanded scope is burning you out, if you dread going to work, if you’re exhausted and frustrated daily, staying isn’t worth the cost to your health. Market for qualified family assistants is strong enough in most major metros that you have options. Families who hire family assistants genuinely focused on childcare exist, and working with family that respects scope and compensates fairly is worth the disruption of changing positions. When you do leave, be clear in exit conversation about why. “I accepted this position because I wanted childcare-focused work. Over time, the role evolved to primarily household management which isn’t aligned with my career goals. I’ve decided to find position that better matches my childcare expertise.” This feedback might not change anything for them, but it’s honest explanation that doesn’t burn bridges unnecessarily.
For Families Reading This
If you’re family who hired family assistant and you’re recognizing that scope has expanded significantly, address it proactively before your assistant raises it or before they quit without fully explaining why. Evaluate honestly what you’re actually asking your family assistant to do daily and whether it matches what you hired them for. If it doesn’t, that’s not necessarily wrong, but it requires explicit conversation and potentially compensation adjustment. Consider whether you actually need family assistant or whether you need house manager or some hybrid role. Being clear about what you need helps you hire appropriately and compensate fairly for the work you’re requiring.
Pay for the work being done, not for the title you’re using. If your family assistant is functioning as house manager, pay house manager rates. If role is genuine hybrid requiring both childcare expertise and household management skills, compensation should reflect both components. Respect that people develop expertise in specific areas and forcing them into work outside their expertise or interests isn’t good for anyone. If you hired someone specifically for childcare skills, let them actually focus on childcare. If you need household management, hire for that. Stop thinking about how to get maximum tasks done for minimum employees. Having appropriately specialized staff who each do their specific role well creates better outcomes than having one person stretched across everything doing all of it marginally.
After twenty years placing family assistants across Los Angeles and everywhere else, we’ve learned that scope creep is among the most common and most destructive patterns in household employment. Families hire for specific childcare-focused role, appreciate the employee’s capability and availability, and gradually or immediately expand expectations until the role becomes entirely different than what was agreed to. The family assistants who protect themselves set clear boundaries early, document scope expansion when it happens, advocate for appropriate compensation or scope correction, and leave positions that become unsustainable. If you’re family assistant doing everything except what you were hired for, recognize that this is your employer’s problem to fix, not your responsibility to tolerate. Your expertise matters, your career goals matter, and you deserve role that matches what you signed up for with compensation that reflects the work you’re actually doing.
