Last week we talked about why year two tests every nanny placement – the honeymoon phase ending, routine replacing novelty, boundaries getting tested, and all the ways that eighteen-month mark becomes make-or-break for working relationships. If you read that and thought “okay, so that’s what’s happening to me, but what do I actually DO about it?” – this is that conversation. Because understanding why year two is hard doesn’t fix it. You need actual strategies for navigating the transition successfully, which is what we’re covering here.Around eighteen months into your nanny placement, something shifts. The job that felt exciting and new starts feeling routine. The family that seemed perfect reveals frustrating patterns. The kids who were delightful now seem challenging in ways you’re having trouble managing. You’re both still showing up and doing your jobs, but the energy has changed from enthusiastic partnership to just getting through the days.
This is the honeymoon phase ending, and it happens in almost every nanny placement that lasts beyond the first year. During year one, everyone’s on their best behavior. Nannies are excited about new positions and motivated to prove themselves. Families are grateful to have found someone competent and they’re actively trying to make working relationships succeed. Small frustrations get overlooked because the overall situation feels positive.
Year two is when that initial goodwill depletes and you’re left with actual working relationship without the excitement buffer. This isn’t failure. It’s normal transition from new relationship energy to sustainable partnership. But navigating it successfully requires recognizing what’s happening and actively working to adjust rather than just hoping the magic returns on its own.
After twenty years working with nannies and families across Austin and nationwide, we’ve watched many placements either successfully navigate this transition or fall apart during year two. The ones that survive understand that honeymoon phases end in every relationship – romantic, professional, familial – and that ending isn’t a sign the relationship is doomed. It’s a sign you’re moving into the real work of building something sustainable.
Recognizing the Shift
The first step is recognizing you’re in this transition rather than thinking something’s fundamentally broken. If you’ve been together about eighteen months and suddenly everything feels harder, you’re probably experiencing honeymoon phase ending rather than discovering the relationship was never actually good.
The signs show up differently for nannies and families. Nannies start feeling less motivated to go above and beyond. You’re no longer staying late without complaint or enthusiastically suggesting new activities. You’re doing your job competently but the extra effort that characterized year one has disappeared. Small annoyances that you overlooked during year one – the parent who’s always slightly late, the kid who never listens the first time – now feel intolerable.
Families notice nannies seem less engaged. Your energy feels different. You’re less communicative about kids’ days. You seem to be going through motions rather than being fully present. They worry you’re job searching or unhappy, which creates anxiety that makes them less pleasant to work for, which makes you actually less happy in a self-fulfilling cycle.
The enthusiasm gap creates misunderstandings. Nannies think families are taking them for granted. Families think nannies have stopped caring. Both parties are actually just adjusting from unsustainable high engagement to normal sustainable effort, but it feels like the relationship is deteriorating because the contrast with year one is stark.
Why This Happens to Everyone
Honeymoon phases exist because new situations trigger extra engagement and best behavior from everyone. During year one, nannies are building relationships with kids and proving competence to families. That process is engaging and provides natural motivation beyond just paycheck. Families are establishing working relationships and they’re conscious of being good employers because they want to retain people they’ve worked hard to hire.
By year two, those initial processes are complete. You’ve proven yourself. The family trusts you. The relationship with kids is established. You’re no longer building something new – you’re maintaining what exists. Maintenance is less intrinsically rewarding than creation, so motivation shifts from internal drive to external rewards like compensation and working conditions.
The routine itself becomes draining. You’re doing the same pickups and dropoffs, the same meals, the same activities, managing the same behavioral patterns. What was interesting during learning curve becomes repetitive once you’ve mastered it. Boredom makes everything feel harder even when nothing’s actually gotten worse.
Gratitude fades too. During year one, families expressed appreciation frequently because they were actively grateful for good childcare after the stress of hiring. By year two, excellent childcare feels normal and expected rather than something to actively appreciate. You’re doing the same quality work but receiving way less positive feedback, which makes the work feel less valued.
This combination – routine replacing novelty, maintenance replacing building, fading gratitude – creates the honeymoon ending experience. Understanding it’s predictable pattern rather than sign of failure helps both parties respond constructively.
What Needs to Happen Differently
The placements that successfully navigate year two are the ones where both parties recognize the shift and actively adjust rather than just riding out the uncomfortable period hoping it resolves itself.
Families need to re-engage with active appreciation and recognition. You can’t just rely on the initial goodwill from year one carrying you forward indefinitely. Tell your nanny specifically what she does well and why it matters to your family. Recognize the invisible work – the crisis she handled smoothly, the way she manages behavioral issues calmly, how she remembers everyone’s preferences without being asked. The work is the same as year one but your attention to appreciating it needs to be intentional rather than automatic.
Compensation adjustments matter enormously during year two. If you haven’t given raises since hiring, that’s communicating you don’t value increased competence and experience. Year two nannies are significantly more valuable than year one nannies – they know your kids intimately, they handle situations independently that required guidance initially, they anticipate needs you haven’t articulated. Raise compensation to reflect that increased value.
Nannies need to advocate for what you need rather than hoping families notice. If you need more appreciation, ask for feedback about what’s working well. If you need compensation adjustment, request raises with specific reasoning about your increased value. If routines have become mind-numbing, propose changes that make work more interesting while still meeting family needs.
Both parties need honest conversations about whether expectations are still realistic. Maybe during year one you accommodated extensive flexibility because you were excited about the position. Year two is when you might need to clarify that level of flexibility isn’t sustainable. Maybe families expected enthusiasm that’s not maintainable beyond initial period. Adjusting expectations to sustainable levels prevents ongoing resentment.
Addressing Specific Issues
Year two is when specific issues that were minor during year one need direct attention. The scope creep that happened gradually, the boundary violations you overlooked, the communication patterns that don’t work for you – all of this needs addressing now before resentments become dealbreakers.
If your responsibilities have expanded beyond initial job description, have a conversation about either formalizing those additions with appropriate compensation or scaling back to original scope. Don’t let scope continue expanding while compensation stays static because eventually that will make you quit.
If boundaries around schedule or communication have eroded, reset them explicitly. “I’ve noticed I’ve been staying late more frequently and I need to get back to my contracted hours. Moving forward I’ll need to leave at 6pm unless we’ve arranged overtime in advance.” Clear communication about boundaries feels uncomfortable but it’s less uncomfortable than seething resentment that poisons the entire relationship.
If you’re bored with routines, propose variations that make work more interesting. Maybe you’ve been going to the same parks and playgrounds for eighteen months. Suggest new activities or outings that provide variety while still meeting kids’ needs. Families are usually fine with changes if you frame them as beneficial for kids rather than just your personal boredom.
These conversations are harder during year two than year one because you’re no longer in building-goodwill mode. But they’re necessary. Ignoring issues hoping they resolve naturally almost guarantees the relationship deteriorates further.
Rebuilding Connection
Part of successfully navigating honeymoon phase ending is actively rebuilding connection rather than assuming the easy rapport of year one will just return magically.
Schedule regular check-ins with families where you discuss what’s working and what could improve. These don’t need to be formal performance reviews. Brief weekly conversations about how things are going prevent small issues from accumulating into big resentments. They also provide opportunities for positive feedback that keeps everyone feeling valued.
Find new ways to make work engaging for yourself. Maybe you develop a special project like creating photo books of kids’ activities, or you get additional training in something relevant that makes you feel like you’re still learning. Any way you can make the work feel developmental rather than purely repetitive helps maintain engagement.
Families can create moments that demonstrate continued investment in the relationship. Planning occasional special things – taking your nanny out for her birthday lunch, giving thoughtful holiday gifts, allowing schedule flexibility when you need it – shows you still value the person rather than just the function they perform.
Both parties remembering why the relationship worked initially helps too. What did you appreciate about each other during year one? What made this placement feel like good fit? Revisiting those initial positive impressions reminds everyone that underneath current frustrations, good foundation exists worth protecting.
When Year Two Reveals Actual Incompatibilities
Sometimes what feels like honeymoon phase ending is actually the time needed to reveal that the match was never quite right. Year one was too short to see fundamental incompatibilities that become apparent after longer time working together.
If you’ve tried addressing issues and nothing improves, if every conversation feels like conflict rather than collaboration, if you actively dread going to work rather than just feeling less enthusiastic, that might signal genuine mismatch rather than normal year-two adjustment.
Some incompatibilities only become clear with time. Maybe parenting approaches that seemed fine during year one feel increasingly problematic. Maybe working styles that were manageable become unbearable. Maybe personality conflicts that were minor during good-behavior phase become major once everyone’s real selves emerge.
Recognizing actual incompatibility versus normal honeymoon ending requires honest assessment. Are you frustrated with things that could reasonably change with communication and adjustment? Or are you frustrated with fundamental aspects of this family or position that won’t change no matter what?
If it’s actual incompatibility, acknowledging that and moving on is healthier than forcing yourself to stay in situations that don’t work hoping year three will magically improve. Year two struggles don’t automatically mean you should leave, but they’re information worth taking seriously when evaluating whether this placement actually fits long-term.
What Success Looks Like
Successfully navigating year two doesn’t mean returning to year one enthusiasm. It means settling into sustainable working relationship where both parties respect each other, communicate honestly, and actively maintain the partnership even though initial excitement has faded.
Year three and beyond are typically more stable than year two because you’ve proven the relationship can handle real issues and you’ve built enough history that temporary rough patches don’t threaten everything. You’re not constantly excited but you’re content, respected, fairly compensated, and engaged enough that work feels worthwhile even when routine.
The nannies who last five, ten, even fifteen years with families almost always hit rocky periods around year two and successfully navigated them through honest communication and mutual adjustment. They’re not staying because employment remained constantly exciting. They’re staying because they built relationships that can handle normal relationship challenges.
Families who keep excellent nannies long-term are the ones who recognized year two required active investment rather than assuming initial momentum would carry relationships indefinitely. They adjusted compensation, maintained appreciation, respected boundaries, and communicated directly about issues rather than hoping problems would resolve naturally.
The Bottom Line
Every nanny placement that lasts beyond year one hits this transition where honeymoon phase ends and sustainable partnership needs to be actively built. This isn’t failure or sign the match was wrong. It’s normal evolution that happens in all long-term relationships.
Successfully navigating it requires recognizing what’s happening, communicating honestly about needs and issues, adjusting expectations to sustainable levels, and actively reinvesting in the relationship rather than coasting on year one momentum. The placements that survive year two usually go on to last years. The ones that don’t navigate it successfully typically end during that eighteen-to-thirty-month window.
After twenty years watching Austin families and families nationwide work through this transition, we know it’s one of the most critical tests of nanny-family relationships. Pay attention when you hit it. Address issues directly. Remember why the relationship worked initially. And recognize that getting through year two successfully creates foundation for genuinely sustainable long-term employment that benefits everyone.
