Your new nanny just completed their first week. The children seem reasonably comfortable, nothing terrible happened, and you’re relieved the transition is underway. You’re ready to stop paying such close attention and return to normal routines. But this first week actually revealed almost everything you need to know about whether this placement will succeed long-term or become another search in six months.
After twenty years placing nannies with families from San Diego to major cities nationwide, we’ve learned that first weeks follow predictable patterns. The nannies who thrive in positions long-term show specific behaviors and characteristics during week one that distinguish them from nannies who seem fine initially but flame out within months. Similarly, first weeks reveal red flags that predict problems families often dismiss as adjustment period nerves or minor quirks.
The patterns are remarkably consistent. What happens in week one isn’t random or meaningless. It’s a preview of the employment relationship you’re building, and paying attention to what your nanny’s first week reveals saves you from discovering months later that problems you saw early were actually warnings you should have heeded.
Green Light: They Ask Thoughtful Questions
Nannies who will succeed long-term spend their first week asking questions constantly. Not because they’re clueless or unprepared, but because they’re gathering information about your specific family, children, preferences, and routines so they can provide excellent individualized care.
These questions aren’t random or frantic. They’re thoughtful inquiries that demonstrate the nanny is observing, learning, and wanting to understand how your household operates. They ask about children’s routines and preferences, how you prefer certain tasks handled, what your priorities are for daily activities, and how you want to be communicated with about various situations.
They ask “What does naptime usually look like?” and “How do you prefer I handle discipline when this behavior happens?” and “Should I check with you before making these kinds of decisions?” These questions show they’re not assuming they know best or that their way of doing things automatically applies to your family.
Nannies who don’t ask many questions during the first week often struggle later because they make assumptions instead of learning your specific needs and preferences. The nanny who acts like they have everything figured out on day three probably doesn’t, and you’ll discover the gaps when their assumptions don’t match your expectations.
One San Diego family hired a nanny who asked almost nothing during her first week. The parents interpreted this as confidence and experience. By week six, they realized she’d established routines and approaches that didn’t align with their parenting philosophy but now felt established and hard to change. The lack of questions wasn’t confidence – it was failure to recognize that every family is different and requires learning their specific needs.
Red Flag: They Seem Overwhelmed by Normal Responsibilities
Every new position involves adjustment and learning, but nannies who appear genuinely overwhelmed by standard responsibilities during week one often lack the capacity or experience for the role you’ve hired them for.
This isn’t about reasonable adjustment time or needing to learn where things are kept. It’s about seeming stressed, disorganized, or unable to manage basic childcare responsibilities that should be within their capability based on their experience level.
If your nanny seems frazzled managing two children when they claimed extensive experience with multiple kids, if they appear stressed by routine tasks like preparing meals or managing transitions, or if they consistently need more direction than their experience should require, these are concerning signs.
The first week should reveal capability even while learning your specific preferences. A nanny who has genuinely worked with similar-aged children in comparable households should demonstrate baseline competence even while adapting to your family. Struggling with fundamentals they should already know suggests their resume overstated their experience or that they’re not actually equipped for this role.
One family overlooked their nanny’s obvious stress during week one because they assumed she just needed time to adjust to a new environment. By month two, it was clear she fundamentally lacked the organizational skills and capacity to manage the role they’d hired her for. The overwhelmed behavior in week one wasn’t adjustment nerves – it was accurate reflection of her actual capability level.
Green Light: They Follow Your Lead on Parenting Approach
Successful nannies adapt to your parenting philosophy and approach even when it differs from what they’d do or what previous families preferred. During week one, they observe how you handle situations, ask about your preferences, and adjust their approach to align with yours.
They don’t argue about better ways to do things or insist on methods that worked for previous families if those don’t match your style. They recognize that you’re the parent, you set the philosophy and rules, and their job is to implement your approach consistently even if they’d make different choices for their own children.
This doesn’t mean they can’t share perspectives or suggestions when asked, but it means they default to following your lead rather than imposing their preferences. They understand the difference between bringing expertise and experience versus overriding parent decisions about how children should be raised.
During week one, watch how your nanny responds when you explain how you want something handled. Do they adapt readily and implement your preference, or do they push back, explain why their way is better, or continue using their approach despite your guidance?
Nannies who struggle to follow parent direction during week one typically have ongoing conflicts about whose way of doing things should prevail. These power struggles rarely improve over time because they reflect fundamental misunderstanding of the professional relationship where parents make decisions and nannies implement them.
Red Flag: Poor Communication About Important Situations
How your nanny communicates during week one about situations requiring parent input predicts how communication will function throughout employment. Nannies who fail to inform you about important situations, who delay telling you about problems, or who make significant decisions without appropriate input during the first week typically continue those patterns.
Watch whether your nanny tells you about minor injuries, behavioral issues, schedule disruptions, or situations where children were upset or struggled. Nannies with good judgment understand what parents need to know and communicate proactively even when situations aren’t emergencies.
If your nanny doesn’t mention that your child bumped their head even though there’s no serious injury, if they don’t tell you about challenging behavior that occurred during the day, or if you learn about situations from your children rather than from your nanny, these are communication red flags.
The first week establishes communication patterns. If your nanny isn’t sharing information you need during this period when they’re presumably trying to make good impressions, communication won’t improve once they’re comfortable and less worried about your evaluation.
One family discovered only at pickup that their nanny had taken their children to an emergency clinic that afternoon for a suspected broken arm that turned out to be just bruising. The nanny hadn’t called because she “didn’t want to worry them during work” and figured she’d handle it. That judgment failure in week one was a preview of ongoing communication problems that eventually ended the placement when the family lost trust in receiving timely information about their children.
Green Light: They Build Rapport with Children Without Forcing It
Nannies who succeed long-term understand that building relationships with children takes time and can’t be forced. During week one, they’re warm and engaging but not pushy about connection. They let children approach and warm up at their own pace rather than demanding immediate affection or closeness.
They read children’s cues about when kids want interaction versus space. They engage in activities and play but don’t take it personally if children are reserved or tentative during the adjustment period. They understand that trust builds gradually through consistent, positive interactions.
By the end of week one, successful nannies have made genuine progress toward connection even if children aren’t fully comfortable yet. Kids are warming up, showing interest in activities together, and demonstrating that they feel safe and cared for even while still adjusting.
Nannies who struggle often either push too hard for immediate connection, which makes children uncomfortable, or they maintain such distance that children don’t feel engaged or cared about. Both extremes predict relationship challenges that affect the quality of care children receive.
Red Flag: They Complain About Previous Families
Professional nannies don’t spend their first week criticizing previous employers or explaining how much better they are than the families they’ve worked for. If your nanny talks negatively about past families, describes them as difficult or unreasonable, or positions themselves as having been underappreciated or mistreated by prior employers, that’s concerning regardless of whether their complaints might be legitimate.
This behavior during week one suggests poor professional boundaries and judgment about appropriate workplace conversation. It also often predicts that they’ll eventually talk about your family the same way to future employers.
One red flag variation is the nanny who constantly compares your household to previous families, especially in ways that imply criticism. “Oh, the Johnsons always did it this way” or “My last family would never have asked me to handle that” positions you as inferior or unreasonable compared to idealized previous employers.
These comparison patterns continue and intensify over time. The nanny who can’t stop referencing how things were done at previous jobs during week one will keep doing it throughout employment, which creates friction and suggests they’re not fully committed to adapting to your family’s specific needs and preferences.
Green Light: They’re Punctual and Professional About Logistics
Basic professionalism during week one predicts long-term reliability. Nannies who arrive on time or slightly early, come prepared for their day, maintain appropriate appearance and energy level, and handle practical logistics smoothly during the first week typically continue these patterns throughout employment.
Being punctual when you’re trying to make good impressions should be effortless. If your nanny struggles with on-time arrival during week one, lateness will become standard once the newness wears off. Similarly, if they seem disorganized, unprepared, or casual about professional standards during the period when they’re most motivated to impress, those issues will intensify.
Watch whether your nanny respects boundaries about personal phone use, stays off their device during work hours except when appropriate, maintains energy and engagement throughout their schedule, and handles transitions and logistics smoothly even while learning your routines.
First week professionalism isn’t just about making good impressions. It reflects their actual baseline standards for how they approach work. When that baseline is already concerning while they’re still in prove-yourself mode, the real standard they’ll operate at long-term is worse.
Red Flag: They Resist or Dismiss Your Feedback
The first week inevitably includes guidance and feedback as you help your nanny learn your preferences and adjust to your household. How they receive and implement that feedback reveals whether they’re coachable and willing to adapt or whether they’ll resist direction throughout employment.
Successful nannies receive feedback during week one with openness even if they’re disappointed they didn’t get something right initially. They ask clarifying questions, make adjustments, and demonstrate that they’ve incorporated your guidance in subsequent situations.
Nannies who will struggle long-term respond to feedback with defensiveness, explanations for why they did things their way, or subtle resistance to actually changing their approach. They might agree verbally but continue the same behaviors, suggesting they’re not actually willing to adapt.
If providing basic guidance during week one feels difficult, contentious, or like you’re constantly managing someone’s feelings about normal feedback, that dynamic won’t improve. These patterns establish themselves early and predict ongoing conflicts about direction and accountability.
Green Light: They Show Initiative Appropriate to Experience Level
Nannies with strong judgment demonstrate initiative during week one that matches their experience level. They observe situations where they could be helpful beyond basic childcare and either handle them appropriately or ask whether you’d like them to take on those tasks.
This might mean tidying play areas without being asked, preparing children’s meals proactively, or noticing when supplies need restocking and either handling it or flagging it for you. They’re not waiting to be told every single task but rather observing needs and responding appropriately.
The key is initiative matched to their experience and your household. Overstepping by making major decisions or changes without input is concerning. But showing zero initiative and requiring detailed direction for every minor task suggests they lack the judgment and independence the role requires.
By end of week one, you should have a sense that your nanny can handle routine situations independently and knows when to seek guidance for less routine matters. This balance predicts whether they’ll develop into a truly helpful household team member or require constant management.
What First Week Patterns Mean for Your Decision
These first week patterns aren’t guarantees, but they’re highly predictive based on twenty years of placement outcomes. Nannies showing multiple green lights during week one typically build successful long-term placements. Nannies exhibiting multiple red flags during their first week rarely overcome those patterns even with time and support.
If your nanny’s first week revealed concerning patterns, address them directly and immediately rather than hoping time will fix issues. Have clear conversations about expectations, provide specific feedback about concerns, and watch whether they make genuine adjustments.
If concerning patterns continue through week two despite clear feedback, seriously consider whether this placement will work long-term. The disruption of making a change now is significant but still less costly than discovering months later that problems you saw in week one were accurate predictors you chose to ignore.
If your nanny’s first week showed strong green lights, acknowledge what you’ve observed and build on that positive foundation. Let them know specifically what impressed you, continue providing clear communication and feedback, and invest in developing the relationship that’s started well.
The Seaside Nannies Perspective
At Seaside Nannies, we’ve placed thousands of nannies and watched their first weeks unfold across San Diego, major metropolitan areas, and everywhere between. After two decades, we know which first week patterns predict placement success and which forecast problems regardless of how much families want to believe adjustment time will resolve concerns.
We tailor-fit every placement, which includes thoroughly vetting candidates before matching them with families. Never automated, never one-size-fits-all. But even with extensive screening, first weeks reveal information about how individuals perform in specific households that no amount of pre-placement vetting can fully predict.
The families who pay attention to what first weeks reveal and act on that information build successful long-term placements. The families who dismiss concerning patterns or assume everything will improve with time often end up searching again within months for new nannies when the problems they observed early proved to be accurate predictors.
Your nanny’s first week told you almost everything you need to know about how this placement will develop. The question is whether you’re willing to see what it revealed and act accordingly rather than hoping patterns you don’t like will somehow reverse over time.
