A family that’s relocating for work or personal reasons sometimes asks their nanny to move with them, framing the request as an opportunity to continue a good working relationship in a new place. For the nanny, the decision to relocate with a family involves giving up her entire support network, community, and local life to follow an employment relationship that could end at any time. Some nannies make this move and it works out well. Others move and regret it. The difference comes down to whether the family has structured the relocation fairly and whether the nanny has thought through what she’s actually agreeing to.
What the Nanny Is Being Asked to Give Up
A nanny who relocates with a family leaves behind her housing situation, her personal relationships, her local connections, her community, any family she has nearby, and everything familiar about her daily life outside of work. She’s starting over in a new city where the family is her only connection and her employment with them is the reason she’s there.
This creates a power imbalance that doesn’t exist when the nanny and family live in the same city independently. If the employment ends, the nanny is in a city where she has no other connections, possibly far from where she has roots. The risk she’s taking by relocating is substantial, and families who don’t acknowledge that are asking for a lot without recognizing what they’re asking.
What Fair Relocation Support Looks Like
Families who handle relocation requests well provide comprehensive support that acknowledges the risk and disruption the nanny is accepting. This includes covering all moving costs, providing housing or substantial housing support, paying for trips back to the nanny’s home city during the transition period, offering a contract with meaningful security like a year of guaranteed employment or severance protection, and generally treating the relocation as a major commitment they’re asking the nanny to make rather than as a casual extension of the current employment.
Families who don’t provide this level of support are asking the nanny to absorb all the risk and cost of relocating while they get the benefit of keeping their nanny. That’s not a fair exchange, and nannies who accept these terms often find themselves in difficult positions when the arrangement doesn’t work out as expected.
The Employment Security Question
The nanny who relocates with a family is entirely dependent on that employment continuing. If she gets fired, if the family decides they don’t need a nanny anymore, or if the working relationship deteriorates, she’s in a city where she moved specifically for this job and now doesn’t have it. The family who asked her to relocate owes her more employment security than they would in a normal at-will arrangement.
This might take the form of a guaranteed contract term, substantial severance that would support her while she finds new work or relocates again, or relocation assistance back to her original city if the employment ends within a defined period. Without these protections, the nanny is accepting massive risk while the family maintains all the flexibility.
When the Relocation Works Well
Relocations that work well for nannies are usually the ones where the move itself is to somewhere the nanny genuinely wants to live, where the family provides comprehensive support and security, where the nanny has enough in savings or resources that she’s not entirely dependent on this single family, and where the relationship between the nanny and family is strong enough that both parties are committed to making it succeed.
The nanny who’s been wanting to move to the city the family is relocating to anyway might view this as a genuine opportunity. The nanny who has no desire to leave her current city is being asked to make a sacrifice for the family’s convenience, and the terms need to reflect that.
When Nannies Should Say No
There are situations where the right answer to a relocation request is no, even if the family is wonderful and the current working relationship is excellent. The nanny who has deep roots in her current city, family nearby, a partner or close personal relationships, or who simply doesn’t want to move is making a reasonable decision to decline.
The family who pressures a nanny to relocate despite her clear preference to stay, or who makes her feel guilty for declining, is asking her to prioritize their convenience over her own life. That’s not appropriate, and nannies shouldn’t feel obligated to accept.
The Trial Period Possibility
Some relocations start with a trial period where the nanny agrees to move temporarily, perhaps for three to six months, with the understanding that both parties will reassess whether the arrangement is working and whether she wants to stay permanently. This gives the nanny a lower-commitment way to test whether the new city and the relocated working relationship actually work for her.
The family who offers this trial structure needs to provide housing during the trial and cover relocation costs in both directions if the nanny decides not to stay permanently. The nanny who accepts a trial should have a clear exit plan if she decides the move isn’t working.
What Happens When It Doesn’t Work Out
When a nanny relocates with a family and it doesn’t work out, the consequences fall much harder on the nanny than on the family. The family can hire local help. The nanny is in a city where she has no connections, job searching in an unfamiliar market, and possibly far from her support system at a moment when she needs it most.
The families who relocate nannies ethically are the ones who support them through these situations if they arise: providing extended severance, helping with relocation costs back home, or even maintaining housing support during a job search period. The families who don’t provide this support are leaving nannies to deal with problems the family created by asking for the relocation in the first place.
The Alternative to Relocating the Nanny
Families who are relocating can also choose to part ways with their current nanny respectfully and hire in the new location. This acknowledges that the move is the family’s choice and that asking someone to uproot their entire life to follow them may not be reasonable. The nanny can stay in her current city and find a new family. The family can find a nanny in their new location who’s already established there.
This approach doesn’t continue the current relationship, but it also doesn’t create the risks and complications that relocation does.
At Seaside Nannies, when families ask about relocating with their nannies, the conversation includes whether they’ve structured the arrangement fairly and whether the nanny has fully thought through what she’s agreeing to, because relocations that aren’t set up well create problems that could have been avoided.
