“We’ll definitely revisit your salary in six months.” That was eighteen months ago. The raise conversation keeps getting postponed, forgotten, or dismissed with vague promises about “soon” and “when things settle down.” You’ve brought it up three times now, each time met with acknowledgment that yes, you deserve more money, yes, they know they said six months, yes, they absolutely plan to address it. Then nothing happens. You’re stuck between wanting to advocate for yourself and not wanting to seem demanding or ungrateful. You genuinely like this family and the kids you care for, but the broken promises are eating away at the relationship and making you feel disrespected and undervalued. Every month that passes without the raise you were promised reinforces that your employer doesn’t actually value you the way they claim to, regardless of what they say.
This scenario plays out constantly in household employment across Chicago and every market we work in. Families make compensation promises with genuine intention, then life gets busy, budgets get tight, or they simply forget because paying you more isn’t as urgent to them as it is to you. Meanwhile nannies are left in impossible position of either accepting broken promises or repeatedly advocating for themselves in ways that feel uncomfortable and potentially risky to their employment. We’ve been placing nannies for over twenty years and we’ve watched broken compensation promises destroy otherwise good relationships, drive excellent nannies out of positions they loved, and create resentment that poisons household dynamics. Let’s talk about why promises get broken, how to follow up professionally when commitments aren’t honored, when documentation becomes essential, and when repeated broken promises tell you it’s time to find employment with families who actually keep their word.
Why Families Break Compensation Promises
Most families who promise raises and don’t deliver aren’t being intentionally dishonest. They mean it when they say it, then circumstances change or the promise just slides off their radar because it’s not their money being affected. Understanding why promises get broken doesn’t excuse it, but it helps you assess whether the situation is fixable or whether you’re dealing with employers who fundamentally don’t prioritize keeping their commitments to you. Financial circumstances genuinely change sometimes. The family who promised you a raise based on their financial situation in March might be facing very different circumstances in September. Job loss, business problems, unexpected major expenses, any number of things can legitimately affect their ability to follow through on compensation promises. The difference is whether they communicate that change to you honestly or whether they just go silent and hope you stop bringing it up.
Forgetfulness is incredibly common, especially with busy families juggling careers, children, and household management. Your raise promise lives in their head as something they need to handle eventually. It lives in your head as critically important financial matter affecting your ability to pay rent and support yourself. That urgency gap means it stays top of mind for you while sliding down the priority list for them. They’re not malicious, they’re just not experiencing the same pressure you are. Some families make promises in the moment to end uncomfortable conversations without actually intending to follow through. You ask about a raise, they’re not prepared to discuss it, so they say “let’s talk about this in a few months” to buy time and get out of the conversation. They never actually planned to revisit it, they just wanted to avoid saying no in that moment.
Discomfort with compensation discussions causes some families to avoid following through even when they want to. They agreed to give you a raise, but actually implementing it requires uncomfortable logistics like adjusting payroll, having explicit conversations about numbers, dealing with the financial reality. So they procrastinate indefinitely because the conversation feels awkward. Some families fundamentally don’t see household staff compensation as real obligation that requires the same follow-through as other financial commitments. They wouldn’t break promises to their mortgage company or their business partners, but somehow promises to household employees feel less binding. That devaluation of domestic work and the people who do it leads to casual breaking of commitments they’d honor in other contexts.
Budget priorities reveal themselves through what actually gets funded versus what gets promised. If the family takes expensive vacations, makes luxury purchases, or spends freely on things they want while your promised raise keeps getting deferred, you’re learning where you rank in their financial priorities. You’re seeing that upgrading their lifestyle matters more to them than honoring commitments to you. Lack of systems means some families operate chaotically enough that promises fall through cracks not because they don’t care but because they have no structure for remembering and executing commitments. They need calendar reminders, written agreements, accountability systems. Without those, promises disappear into the chaos.
The Emotional Impact of Broken Promises
Living with broken compensation promises does real damage to your relationship with your employer family and to your own wellbeing. Every time you think about bringing it up again, you feel that knot in your stomach. Will they be annoyed? Will they think you’re being pushy? Will this be the conversation that makes them decide to replace you with someone less “difficult”? The mental energy spent on whether and how to advocate for yourself is exhausting, and it’s energy you shouldn’t have to expend if employers simply kept their word. Trust erodes with each broken promise. You start doubting everything they tell you. If they can’t keep promises about your compensation, what else are they not being honest about? Do they actually value you the way they claim? Are their expressions of appreciation genuine or just words they say without meaning?
Resentment builds steadily even when you’re trying not to let it affect your work. You’re caring for their children, managing their household, making their lives easier, and they can’t be bothered to follow through on financial commitments to you. That imbalance feels wrong because it is wrong. You find yourself mentally calculating what you’ve lost – the hundreds or thousands of dollars you should have been earning over the months since the raise was promised. That running tally of lost income increases your anger and resentment every time you do the math. Your self-worth takes a hit when employers repeatedly demonstrate through their actions that your financial needs aren’t a priority to them. You start wondering if maybe you’re not as valuable as you thought, maybe you don’t deserve the raise you were promised, maybe you’re being unreasonable for expecting people to keep their commitments.
The power dynamic makes everything worse. You need this job. You need the income. You can’t just demand what you were promised without risking the relationship or potentially your employment. That powerlessness in the face of broken promises is demoralizing. You’re watching other areas of your life suffer because you don’t have the income you were promised and budgeted for. Maybe you can’t make needed car repairs, maybe you’re stressed about rent, maybe you’ve delayed medical care because money’s tight. The practical impacts of broken compensation promises are real and they compound the emotional toll.
How to Follow Up Professionally
When compensation promises aren’t honored on the timeline discussed, you need to follow up directly and professionally. Hoping families will remember on their own rarely works. You have to advocate for yourself, uncomfortable as that feels. Start with the assumption of good faith and simple reminder rather than accusation. “I wanted to follow up on our conversation from March about revisiting my compensation. You’d mentioned we’d discuss this in six months, and it’s been eight months now. Can we schedule time to have that conversation?” This approach assumes they forgot rather than deliberately broke their promise, which preserves the relationship while making clear you’re tracking this and expecting follow-through.
If the first reminder gets vague response about “soon” or “let me check our finances,” set specific timeline. “I appreciate that. Can we plan to have this conversation by the end of next week? I’d like to get this resolved.” Don’t accept indefinite delays. Push for concrete timeframe, then hold them to it. If you get to the scheduled conversation and they try to postpone again, be more direct. “This has been deferred several times now and I need us to address it. I was promised a raise to X amount starting in Month. That hasn’t happened and I need to understand what’s changed and when I can expect the commitment you made to be honored.” Directness isn’t rude, it’s appropriate when dealing with repeated avoidance.
Come to follow-up conversations with specifics. What was promised, when it was promised, what the timeline was, what hasn’t happened. Don’t rely on their memory or leave room for dispute about what was agreed to. “On March 15th, we discussed increasing my compensation from X to Y, with the understanding this would happen by September. It’s now November and we haven’t revisited this.” If they claim they don’t remember the conversation or that the terms were different than what you understood, that’s important information about how this employer operates. Either they genuinely forget important commitments, which is concerning, or they’re being deliberately evasive, which is worse.
Ask directly what’s changed if they’re not following through. “You committed to this raise and I planned my finances accordingly. If circumstances have changed and that’s no longer possible, I need to understand why so I can make informed decisions about my own situation.” You’re entitled to explanation when promises aren’t kept. Listen to their response carefully. Are they giving you genuine explanation of changed circumstances? Are they being vague and evasive? Are they making new promises about future timeline? The quality and specificity of their response tells you whether you’re dealing with fixable situation or pattern of unreliability.
When Documentation Becomes Essential
If verbal promises aren’t being honored, start documenting everything in writing. After any conversation about compensation, send email or text confirming what was discussed. “Thank you for the conversation today about my compensation. Just to confirm my understanding, we agreed to increase my salary to $X per hour effective February 1st. Please let me know if I’ve misunderstood anything.” This creates written record of what was agreed to and gives them opportunity to correct misunderstandings immediately. When they acknowledge the written confirmation, you have documentation you can point back to if promises get broken. “Per the email exchange from January that you confirmed, we agreed to this increase starting in February. It’s now April and it hasn’t been implemented.”
Keep records of all compensation discussions including dates, what was said, what was promised, what timeline was given. When you have to follow up repeatedly, these records show the pattern. “This is the fourth time I’ve raised this issue – first on date, then on date, then on date, now today. Each time I’ve been told it will be addressed and each time nothing has happened.” Document any responses you receive to your follow-ups, especially if they involve new promises or excuses for why previous promises weren’t kept. The accumulation of broken promises over time becomes clear when it’s all documented.
If you’re dealing with sophisticated employers, consider requesting any compensation discussions or changes be confirmed in writing as standard practice going forward. “To make sure we’re both clear about agreements, I’d appreciate if we could confirm any compensation discussions via email. That way we both have clear record of what’s been agreed to.” This isn’t accusatory, it’s professional. If they resist creating written record of commitments, that tells you they prefer to keep things vague so they can backpedal later. Written documentation protects you if the situation escalates to the point where you’re considering legal action, filing for unemployment after leaving, or need to prove what was promised versus what was delivered. Even if you never use it legally, having clear records gives you confidence when advocating for yourself and prevents them from denying or reframing what was actually said.
Recognizing the Pattern
One broken promise might be unfortunate circumstance. Repeated pattern of broken promises is information about your employer’s character and how they view their obligations to you. If this is the third or fourth time they’ve promised something and not followed through, you’re not dealing with forgetfulness or changed circumstances, you’re dealing with people who don’t keep their word to household staff. Pay attention to whether they break promises to other people or just to you. If they’re reliable about every other commitment in their lives but only break promises to household employees, that reveals how they value domestic workers. You’re learning you’re in a category of people they don’t feel obligated to keep commitments to.
Notice whether they’re comfortable breaking promises but uncomfortable being held accountable for it. When you bring up the broken promise, do they get defensive or annoyed with you for bringing it up rather than apologetic for not following through? That reveals a lot. Watch whether each broken promise comes with new promise that also doesn’t get kept. “I know I said September, but let’s definitely address this by December” which then becomes “Let’s revisit this in March” which becomes another delay. That pattern of deferring indefinitely tells you the actual commitment is to never following through while keeping you hoping. See if they make promises more readily when you’re unhappy or considering leaving. The raise they won’t give you when things are stable suddenly becomes possible when you give notice. That shows they have capacity to increase compensation but choose not to unless forced.
Evaluate whether anything else they promise actually happens or if this pattern extends beyond compensation. Do they follow through on other commitments to you? When they say they’ll be home by certain time, are they? When they promise to handle something, does it get handled? If everything they promise to you is unreliable, you’re working for people who don’t prioritize keeping their word to household staff.
Making the Decision to Leave
Sometimes the right response to broken compensation promises is leaving for employment with people who actually honor their commitments. You don’t owe infinite patience to employers who repeatedly demonstrate they don’t value you enough to keep their word. If they’ve broken the same promise three or more times, they’re showing you who they are. Believe them. If they promise raises to keep you from leaving but then don’t deliver once you’ve stayed, they’re manipulating you. That’s worse than never promising raises at all. When following up professionally multiple times gets you nowhere, when documentation doesn’t create accountability, when the pattern is clearly established, it’s time to recognize this won’t change and plan your exit.
Consider whether the broken promises are symptom of broader disrespect. If this is part of pattern where they don’t value your time, don’t respect boundaries, don’t treat you as professional, the compensation issues are just one manifestation of fundamental problem with how they view household employees. That pattern won’t improve. Think about your long-term prospects with these employers. If they won’t honor promises about compensation after years of good service, they’re not going to suddenly become reliable employers. You’re looking at more years of broken promises and having to fight for every commitment they make. Calculate what the broken promises have actually cost you. Multiply the raise you were promised by the months it wasn’t delivered. That’s money directly out of your pocket because they didn’t keep their word. That loss is real and it adds up significantly over time.
Evaluate your overall relationship with the family. Are there enough positives to outweigh the ongoing frustration and financial loss of broken compensation promises? For some nannies, the answer is yes if the working conditions are otherwise excellent. For most, repeated broken promises about money undermine everything else. You can love the kids and still need to leave because their parents don’t honor commitments to you. Consider what staying teaches you about your own worth. If you accept repeated broken promises without consequence, you’re teaching yourself that your needs don’t matter, that employers can treat you however they want, that your financial security is less important than maintaining employment. Those lessons damage your sense of professional worth in ways that extend beyond this one position.
How to Leave Well
If you decide the broken promises mean it’s time to find new employment, handle your exit professionally even though they didn’t handle their promises professionally. Give appropriate notice, do thorough handoff, maintain standards through your final days. Your professionalism reflects on you, not on them. Be honest in your exit conversation about why you’re leaving. “I’ve enjoyed working with your family and I care deeply about the children, but the repeated delays in implementing the compensation we discussed have made me realize I need to find a position with employers who follow through on their commitments.” You’re not being mean, you’re being factual. They had multiple opportunities to fix this and chose not to. Let them know the actual cost their broken promises had. “The raise we discussed eight months ago would have meant X additional dollars over that time. That’s meaningful money to me that I budgeted for based on your commitment.” They may not have thought about it in those terms. Make it clear.
Don’t let them make last-minute promises to keep you unless you genuinely believe they’ll follow through this time. “You’ve promised this several times before and it hasn’t happened. I need to make decisions based on what actually occurs, not what might occur.” If they suddenly find budget for the raise once you give notice, that confirms they always had capacity but chose not to deliver until forced. Take the new position where employers presumably will be more reliable. When interviewing for new positions, you can reference this situation professionally. “I’m leaving my current position because compensation commitments that were made haven’t been honored despite multiple conversations. I’m looking for an employer who keeps their agreements.” Any good employer will understand that’s legitimate reason for leaving.
Use this experience to be clearer in future positions about compensation expectations. “I appreciate this offer. Can we put the compensation structure and any planned reviews in writing so we’re both clear about the agreement?” Getting commitments in writing from the start prevents some of these problems in future positions. Don’t let this experience make you afraid to advocate for yourself with future employers. The problem wasn’t that you asked for raises or held employers accountable, the problem was that these particular employers didn’t honor their word. Good employers want staff who advocate professionally for fair compensation.
For Future Positions
Learn from this experience what to establish from the beginning to prevent repeated broken promises. During initial negotiations with new employers, get everything in writing. Compensation, benefits, review schedule, expectations about raises, all of it should be documented. Ask explicitly about compensation review practices. “How do you typically handle compensation reviews? How often do they happen? What’s the process?” You’re assessing whether they have professional systems or whether you’ll be navigating ad hoc promises. Pay attention during interviews to how they handle commitments. Do they follow through on things they say they’ll do during the hiring process? If they’re unreliable during recruiting, they’ll be unreliable as employers.
Request regular formal reviews built into your employment agreement. “I’d like to have a formal review every twelve months where we discuss performance and compensation.” Having it in the agreement means it’s not dependent on them remembering or being willing to have the conversation. Establish clear timeline for any promised future compensation increases. Not “we’ll revisit this in a few months” but “your compensation will increase to $X on Date.” Specificity creates accountability. If you’re promised future raise as part of accepting position, get that in writing. “To confirm, I’m accepting this position at $X with the understanding that compensation will increase to $Y after six months based on performance.” Then you have written record of the commitment.
Create your own calendar reminders for when reviews or promised increases should happen. Don’t rely on employers to remember. If the review date passes without them raising it, you immediately follow up. “We agreed to review my compensation in June and it’s now mid-June. Can we schedule time for that conversation?” Maintain documentation throughout your employment. Emails confirming conversations, written performance feedback, records of commitments made. If issues arise, you have everything documented rather than scrambling to recreate timelines.
After twenty years in this industry, we can tell you with certainty that nannies who work for families that keep their promises have fundamentally different employment experiences than those who work for families who don’t. Broken compensation promises aren’t just about the money, though the financial impact is real and significant. They’re about respect, reliability, and whether your employer values you enough to honor commitments they make to you. You deserve to work for families who keep their word. If your Chicago employer or employer anywhere has repeatedly broken compensation promises despite your professional follow-up, that’s information about who they are. You don’t have to accept that indefinitely. Know when it’s time to find employment with people who actually mean what they say.
