Your son comes home with a bruise and casually mentions he fell at the playground. Your nanny didn’t mention it. Or your daughter tells you about a scary interaction with a stranger at the park that your nanny handled but never told you about. Or you discover through another parent that your kids witnessed something upsetting that happened during the day. You’re finding out about incidents, injuries, and concerning events after the fact rather than hearing about them from your nanny when they happen.
This is more than frustrating – it’s a safety and trust issue. You need to know when your kids get hurt. You need to know when something concerning happens during the day. You need to be able to make informed decisions about medical care, follow-up conversations with your kids, or changes to routines and environments based on actual information about what’s happening when you’re not there. Your nanny’s failure to report these things leaves you operating blind and discovering problems too late to address them effectively.
The reasons nannies don’t report incidents vary. Some are genuinely worried you’ll blame them or think they’re not doing their job well. Some don’t want to upset you or create what they perceive as unnecessary worry. Some legitimately don’t realize that things they consider normal childhood bumps and bruises are things parents want to know about. And some are just conflict-avoidant or poor communicators who default to saying everything’s fine rather than having uncomfortable conversations.
Whatever the reason, the result is the same – you’re not getting information you need and have a right to know. Your ability to parent effectively depends on knowing what your children experience during the day, and your nanny’s failure to communicate creates information gaps that undermine your relationship with your kids and your ability to keep them safe.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we work with Miami families to establish clear incident reporting standards from the beginning so there’s no confusion about what needs to be communicated. But many families don’t have these conversations until after they discover their nanny has been keeping quiet about things that should have been reported.
Start by being very explicit about what you need to know about. Any injury that leaves a visible mark. Any fall that caused crying or concern even if there’s no injury. Any interaction with strangers that was uncomfortable or concerning. Any conflict with other children that went beyond normal play disagreements. Any time your child was scared, very upset, or experienced something that might be affecting their behavior or emotions. Any medical symptoms even if they seem minor. Any situation where your nanny had to make a judgment call about safety or intervention.
That might seem like a lot to report, but these are the things parents need to know. You can’t follow up appropriately on a scary experience if you don’t know it happened. You can’t monitor a bump on the head for concussion symptoms if you don’t know the bump exists. You can’t address behavioral changes if you don’t know what’s triggering them.
Talk to your nanny about why they haven’t been reporting things. Listen without immediately getting angry, even though you are angry. You need to understand whether this is fear, poor judgment, inadequate training, or something else. “When you don’t tell me that things happened, I can’t do my job as a parent effectively. Help me understand why you haven’t been sharing this information.”
Some nannies will tell you they didn’t want to worry you about things they handled. Address this directly. “I appreciate that you’re capable of handling situations, but I still need to know about them. Even if you managed something well in the moment, I need that information to follow up with my kids and to make decisions about their care. Please don’t decide on your behalf what I need to know – err on the side of telling me too much rather than too little.”
At Seaside Staffing Company, we recommend families create a simple incident reporting system. It can be as basic as a shared note app where the nanny logs anything that happened during the day that was out of routine. “12:30 PM – Tommy fell off slide at park, cried for a few minutes, small scrape on knee that I cleaned and bandaged, seemed fine after.” This creates a written record and removes any ambiguity about whether something should have been mentioned.
Some families want immediate texts about significant incidents. “If anything happens that causes injury, fear, or significant upset, text me right away so I know about it in real-time.” Others prefer an end-of-day summary. “Before you leave, tell me if anything happened during the day I should know about.” Choose the system that works for your family, but make it clear that reporting is non-negotiable.
Be clear about consequences for not reporting. “Failing to tell me about injuries or concerning incidents is a serious problem that affects my ability to keep my kids safe and healthy. If this happens again, we’ll need to have a very serious conversation about whether this position is working out.” This isn’t a threat – it’s appropriate accountability for a genuine safety issue.
Watch for whether reporting improves after your conversation or if things continue to not be mentioned. Some nannies will immediately start communicating better once they understand expectations. If yours doesn’t change after a clear conversation, you’re dealing with someone who either can’t or won’t provide basic necessary communication, and that’s grounds for termination.
Consider whether you’ve been reactive in ways that discourage reporting. If every time your nanny tells you about something that happened, you freak out, blame them, interrogate them aggressively, or act like they’re incompetent, you’ve taught them that reporting leads to unpleasant consequences. Create space for them to tell you things without immediately going into attack mode, even when the information is upsetting.
That doesn’t mean accepting poor judgment or dangerous situations – it means staying calm enough to get the full story before you react. Your nanny needs to feel they can tell you about incidents without being immediately punished for them, or they’ll just stop telling you and you’re back where you started.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families to differentiate between incidents that happened because of poor supervision versus normal childhood accidents. Kids fall. They bump into things. They have minor conflicts with other children. These things happen under excellent care. Your nanny shouldn’t be afraid to report normal childhood incidents just because you might blame them. But if incidents are happening because of genuine negligence or poor judgment, that’s a different conversation.
Pay attention to whether your nanny is reporting negative things about your kids’ behavior or only positive updates. If everything is always fine and wonderful and perfect, they’re probably filtering out things they think you don’t want to hear. You need the full picture – both the good and the challenging – to parent effectively.
Think about whether your kids are reporting things the nanny should have told you. If your children are consistently informing you about incidents that your nanny kept quiet about, that’s a problem. Your kids shouldn’t be your primary source for information about what happens during the day.
Some nannies worry that reporting every bump and scrape will make them seem incompetent or overly anxious. Address this directly. “I’d rather hear about ten minor things that turned out to be nothing than miss one thing that was actually significant. You’re not going to seem incompetent for telling me about normal childhood accidents – you’re going to seem professional and communicative.”
Create a culture where your nanny knows that good communication is valued and poor communication has consequences. “I really appreciate that you told me about what happened at the park today. Even though it wasn’t a big deal, knowing about it helps me follow up with him. This is exactly the kind of communication I need from you.” Positive reinforcement for good reporting encourages more of it.
The goal is a nanny who tells you about anything significant that happens during the day, who errs on the side of over-communicating rather than under-communicating, and who understands that you need full information to parent effectively. That’s basic professional childcare, and if your nanny can’t provide it even after clear expectations and systems are put in place, they’re not the right person for your family.
