Your family assistant is giving you detailed updates about their dating life. Or spending 15 minutes explaining their complicated family dynamics. Or sharing medical information you definitely didn’t need to know. Or venting about their financial problems while you’re trying to get out the door. Somehow every interaction has turned into an extended conversation about their personal life, and you’re realizing you know way more about their business than you ever wanted or needed to know.
This creates an awkward dynamic because you want to be kind and you recognize that your family assistant is a real person with a real life outside of work. But there’s a difference between polite interest in how someone is doing and becoming their unpaid therapist who hears every detail of their personal drama. You’re the employer, not their friend, and the constant oversharing is making the professional relationship uncomfortable.
The challenge is that many people blur professional and personal boundaries without realizing they’re doing it, especially in household employment where work happens in your private home and relationships can feel more familiar than traditional office jobs. Your family assistant might genuinely think you’re friends who want to hear about everything going on in their life. They might not realize that sharing extensive personal information creates burden and discomfort for you.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we see this in Las Vegas families where household staff and employers work closely together in homes rather than offices, and the lines between friendly and overly familiar get blurred. The family assistant is warm and personable, which is part of why you hired them, but somewhere it crossed from professional friendliness into TMI territory.
Start by recognizing that you’ve probably been enabling the oversharing by listening politely and not setting boundaries. When your family assistant launched into a story about their divorce drama and you stood there nodding sympathetically for 20 minutes instead of cutting it short, you accidentally signaled that this level of sharing is welcome. Changing the dynamic requires actually setting boundaries, not just wishing they would talk less.
Create physical boundaries first. If your family assistant tends to corner you for extended personal conversations, start moving. “I need to grab something from upstairs” or “I’ve got to jump on a call” or “Running late for pickup.” You don’t owe them extended conversation time, and politely excusing yourself breaks the pattern of being a captive audience.
Use verbal boundaries when physical ones aren’t enough. “I appreciate you sharing, but I’ve got a lot going on today and need to keep this brief.” Or “That sounds complicated. I hope it works out for you.” These responses acknowledge what they said without inviting elaboration or extended conversation about their personal life.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we coach families to remember that brief pleasantries are different from detailed personal sharing. “How was your weekend?” “Good, thanks for asking!” is appropriate workplace interaction. “How was your weekend?” followed by a 15-minute monologue about family conflict is too much. Your family assistant should understand the difference.
If the oversharing continues despite your attempts to keep conversations brief, be more direct. “I’ve noticed our conversations often get into detailed personal territory, and I want to make sure we’re keeping appropriate professional boundaries. I care about you as a person, but I think we need to keep work conversations more focused on work matters.” This is uncomfortable to say, but it’s necessary.
Watch for whether your family assistant is using personal sharing to avoid work or delay tasks. If every time you ask them to handle something, they launch into a personal story that derails the conversation, that’s a different problem than just being naturally chatty. That’s using personal oversharing as a work avoidance tactic.
Consider whether the oversharing is creating inappropriate emotional dynamics. If your family assistant is regularly crying about their personal problems at work, asking you for advice about relationships or life decisions, or treating you like their counselor, they’re putting you in a role that’s not appropriate for an employment relationship. You’re not equipped or obligated to handle their emotional wellbeing.
Pay attention to whether the oversharing is affecting your ability to manage them professionally. If you know too much about their personal struggles, you might find it harder to give direct feedback about work performance or hold firm boundaries because you feel bad about their situation. That’s why professional distance exists – it allows you to manage without excessive personal entanglement.
Some family assistants overshare because they’re genuinely struggling and don’t have other support systems. That’s unfortunate, but it doesn’t make you responsible for being their emotional support. If you notice they seem to be in serious distress, you can point them toward appropriate resources – “It sounds like you’re dealing with a lot. Have you considered talking to a counselor?” – without becoming their counselor yourself.
Be consistent about boundaries. If you listen to 30 minutes of personal drama one day, you’re teaching your family assistant that this level of sharing is fine. If you then cut them off the next day when they try to share more, they’ll be confused about what changed. Consistent boundaries prevent mixed messages.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we’ve seen families successfully address this by redirecting conversations firmly but kindly. “I’m sorry you’re going through that, but I really need to stay focused on work matters. Let’s talk about the schedule for this week.” Redirect without being harsh, but be consistent about it.
Watch for whether your family assistant respects boundaries once you set them or if they keep pushing for personal connection beyond what’s professional. Someone who can hear “let’s keep conversations focused on work” and adjust their behavior is fine. Someone who keeps trying to draw you into personal conversations despite clear boundaries is demonstrating poor professional judgment.
Consider whether the oversharing is one-sided or if you’ve also been sharing personal information that invited reciprocal sharing. If you regularly tell your family assistant about your relationship problems or financial stress or health issues, you’ve created a dynamic where personal sharing feels normal. You might need to adjust your own behavior to model the boundaries you want.
Don’t feel guilty about setting boundaries around oversharing. You’re not being cold or unkind by wanting to keep your employment relationship professional. Your family assistant’s personal life is not your responsibility to manage, and it’s actually healthier for both of you to maintain appropriate distance.
If boundary-setting doesn’t work and the oversharing continues, you’re dealing with someone who either can’t or won’t maintain professional boundaries. At that point, you need to decide whether the value they bring to the role outweighs the discomfort of constant TMI, or whether you need to find someone who understands professional boundaries better.
The goal is a working relationship where you can be friendly and cordial without being burdened by extensive knowledge of your family assistant’s personal life. Brief pleasantries, appropriate interest in their wellbeing, warmth and kindness – all fine. Extended personal monologues, emotional dumping, detailed sharing of relationship drama – not fine. Set the boundary clearly and maintain it consistently.
