You come home and find candy wrappers in the trash. Or your toddler casually mentions they had chicken nuggets for lunch when you’ve explicitly said no processed foods. Or your nanny cheerfully reports giving your daughter the cookies she asked for, completely ignoring your clear instruction that desserts are only after dinner. You’re standing there trying to figure out if your nanny genuinely forgot your food rules or if they’re deliberately ignoring boundaries you thought were crystal clear.
Food boundaries with nannies get messy fast because everyone has opinions about what kids should eat, and your nanny might genuinely think your rules are too strict, unnecessary, or even harmful. But here’s the thing – they don’t get to override your parenting decisions just because they disagree with them. You’re the parent, you set the food rules for your household, and your nanny’s job is to follow those rules whether they personally agree with them or not.
At Seaside Staffing Company, we see this conflict play out constantly in San Francisco families who tend to have strong preferences about organic food, sugar restrictions, allergen avoidance, or specific dietary approaches. The challenge is that food is one of those areas where people have deeply held beliefs, and your nanny might think they’re actually helping your kids by being more flexible than you are.
Start by making absolutely sure your nanny actually knows and understands your food rules. Don’t assume that one conversation three months ago is still fresh in their mind. Write down your food guidelines – what’s always okay, what’s sometimes okay, what’s never okay, what exceptions exist for special occasions. Be specific. “No sugar” means different things to different people. Does it include fruit? Honey? What about birthday cake at parties?
Some families create actual lists that live in the kitchen. Always allowed: fruits, vegetables, whole grains, proteins from this list. Sometimes allowed with parent approval: these specific snacks, these treats. Never allowed: processed foods with these ingredients, fast food, candy, soda. When it’s in writing, your nanny can’t claim they forgot or misunderstood.
If you discover your nanny has been feeding your kids things you don’t allow, address it immediately rather than letting it build up. “I found evidence that the kids had candy yesterday. We’ve talked about our no-candy rule, and I need you to follow that even when the kids ask or beg. What happened?” Give them a chance to explain, but be clear that the rule stands.
Pay attention to whether violations are occasional slip-ups or a pattern. Everyone forgets things sometimes. Your nanny giving your kid a cookie once because they genuinely forgot it wasn’t allowed is different from regularly providing foods you’ve said no to because they think your rules are unreasonable. One is a mistake, the other is deliberate insubordination.
Listen to their reasoning without necessarily accepting it. Your nanny might say “I gave them the chicken nuggets because they were really hungry and refused to eat the lunch I prepared.” Okay, that’s useful information about a potential meal planning issue. But the solution isn’t to default to foods you don’t allow – it’s to have better backup options available or to communicate with you about persistent food refusal.
Some nannies will push back on food rules by arguing they’re too strict, nutritionally unnecessary, or creating unhealthy relationships with food. Unless your nanny has professional nutrition credentials and you’ve hired them specifically for dietary expertise, their personal opinions about your food choices don’t matter. “I appreciate your perspective, but these are our family guidelines and I need you to follow them. If you’re not comfortable with our food approach, we need to discuss whether this is the right position for you.”
At Seaside Staffing Company, we tell families to be especially firm about food boundaries when they’re based on allergies, religious requirements, or medical needs. Your nanny absolutely cannot decide on their own that your child’s nut allergy is overblown or that vegetarian guidelines don’t matter. Those kinds of violations are grounds for immediate termination because they put your child at genuine risk.
Consider whether your rules are realistic for daily implementation. If you have extremely strict and complicated food requirements, make sure your nanny has the time, budget, and resources to actually follow them. Expecting your nanny to prepare fresh organic meals from scratch three times a day while also managing two kids under three and doing all the household errands might be setting them up to fail and cut corners.
Provide your nanny with approved snacks and meals that meet your standards. Don’t just tell them what not to feed your kids – give them good options for what they should provide instead. Stock your kitchen with foods that meet your requirements and are easy for your nanny to prepare. If they’re feeding your kids things you don’t allow because they don’t know what else to give them, that’s partly a resource problem.
Talk about exceptions and special circumstances upfront so your nanny knows when flexibility is okay. Are birthday parties at school an exception where cake is fine? Can they make judgment calls if your child is at a playdate and being offered snacks? What about holiday events or cultural celebrations? The clearer you are about when rules can bend, the less likely your nanny is to make unauthorized decisions.
Watch for whether your nanny is using food to buy your kids’ affection or compliance. Some nannies give kids treats to keep them happy, quiet, or cooperative rather than dealing with normal childhood resistance through appropriate childcare techniques. If your nanny is regularly bribing or rewarding with food you don’t allow, that’s both a food boundary violation and a childcare quality issue.
Pay attention to whether your kids are being taught to sneak or lie about food. If your nanny is telling them “don’t tell your parents we had ice cream,” you’ve got someone actively undermining your parenting and teaching your children to deceive you. That’s grounds for immediate firing regardless of how good they are at other aspects of childcare.
If food violations continue after you’ve addressed them clearly, you’re looking at someone who either can’t or won’t respect your authority as a parent. Some nannies genuinely believe they know better than parents about nutrition and feeding, and they’re not going to change. If your nanny can’t follow your food rules after repeated clear direction, they need to go work for a family whose food approach aligns with their personal beliefs.
Consider whether there’s a communication issue with your kids. Your six-year-old might be telling your nanny “Mom said I could have a cookie” when you said no such thing. Make sure your nanny knows to verify with you directly rather than taking your kids’ word about what’s allowed, especially for younger children who might genuinely misunderstand or deliberately manipulate.
Some families use apps or shared notes where the nanny documents what kids ate throughout the day. This creates accountability and transparency – you know exactly what they’re being fed, and your nanny knows you’re monitoring. It also helps identify patterns where certain foods lead to behavior issues or sleep problems.
Be realistic about enforcement when you’re not home. If you have extremely restrictive food rules, your nanny will have more opportunities to violate them simply because they’re with your kids more than you are. Either trust your nanny to follow your guidelines or accept that you’ll need to verify and monitor, which creates a different kind of relationship dynamic.
Food is one of those fundamental parenting decisions where you get to set the standards for your household and expect them to be followed. Your nanny might think you’re too strict, too permissive, too focused on organic, too relaxed about sugar – none of that matters. They’re being paid to implement your parenting approach, not to substitute their own judgment for yours. If they can’t do that around something as basic as food, they’re not the right nanny for your family.
